the birds

I'd give anything for a saturday night
the fiber glass in my pinky brings me back to it
when shots of pain shoot up my finger every moment that I
press it too hard against a tea bag, losing touch with reality

holding onto a bottlecap and a song in my head
I didn't know my heart was capable of this
I can't say I won't have nightmares again tonight, but at least I cleaned that refrigerator well
someone pull me out of this

because I'm starting to think I should have been gone at about sophomore year
took me long enough to ruin a couple lives
"it makes me sick that they'd both be better off without me"
but they won't say it, heaven knows they don't know it
I wonder what it would be to be free

they both said I made them feel safe
the two with crippling anxiety
the two that stop in their tracks and can't breathe
the two I can't fix, the two
who have to be pulled back into reality
after plummeting down out of all time and space
they can't see their hands right in front of them
and I make them feel safe

you can't feel the earth move, but I feel it spinning out of control
on an axis made up of the knowledge that I will forever be unable to help them
it aches in my chest, but it stabs them in the heart

I fidgeted my way through the whole wedding

it made me happy, it made me sick

like waking up from a really good dream

right before the best part

and I want it so bad that I think I'll pass out

I scoop tea into silver bags 

your name is in every second I count

my heart aches for you

to fall asleep in your arms

I start crying on the way to your house

she never plays music through the speakers, just her headphones
tonight I hear the bass and I think it's to cover up the fact that she's choking on her sobs
I can't do this, I really can't
my hairbrush shaking in my hands

please take this away from her and give it back to me
she's the one who's supposed to be living vibrantly
I've got nothing to lose, I don't have any dreams
it wasn't supposed to be her, the one ripped at the seams

she stares into space and everything in me screams
give it back, give it back
take me, take me

it's been a while since I've had the plague of a soaked pillow
but I've hit something tonight and I'm frozen once more
my sister's across the world again, I hate it this time
he's certainly not here, and I'm sick about tomorrow

it's too much, I don't think I can move
she was there on Wednesday and I have a new song for her
a happy song that makes me cry and I can't
bear the thought of seeing her tomorrow,
I think I might throw up

all I want is just to sleep

Write me as an afterthought
Enraptured in the air you breathe
Would it kill you to become a bit stronger?
I cannot hold everything
To anger, a long due goodbye
I'm sick of being mad

It makes me weak to think about
My hands and knees are trembling
I'm asking them if you still hate me
I cannot hold everything
Why do I ask the questions I
Don't want the answers to

Forgive me, I cannot think straight
My vision's getting blurry
For a second there, I thought you were lying
Then the floor came out from under me
Why are you still in my head?

my prayer to You tonight is the declaration that I will not give up

here it is

You fill my lungs with breath for a reason