Free Indeed.

Now my debt is paid, it is paid in full
By the precious blood that my Jesus spilled

Now the curse of sin has no hold on me
Whom the Son sets free, he is free indeed




Hillsong...?

home...

I could paint you onto my wall

If that would solve any problem at all

Closer To

Hold on to me
As I held on to you
Discard the distance
And try to break through
I'll find myself
In your arms once again
But hold on to me
Because that's what we do

Paths.

Darling, hold on
You're not on your own
Once we're both gone
We'll find our way home

Blisters

The week has now ended

The memories float in the air

And some settle in our minds

Forever remaining there

I will never forget

Just watch me retain it all

And bring it back up again

In fifteen summers and falls

But I woke up at seven this morning

Without my alarm for once

And the memories felt more like scars

Cut into all of us

Nothing about it hurt

But oh, does it hurt now

And I just had to wake up at seven

With too much to think about

My hands are sore

From tugging a rope

From straining too hard
From trying to cope
I'm pulling the rope
I'm fighting for you
'Cause you're too hard to find
And too easy to lose
And now I've got blisters from
Things that I choose
If I lost this war I'm not
Sure what I'd do
'Cause you've always been more
Than I can explain
And yet, I still try to
Find something to say
Don't know what happens to my heart
When you look at me
All the things that you do
Now I never wanna leave
You may have felt like you were fighting
Over the course of this week
I'm not sure if you even tried
Or just let it be
But you didn't have to do a thing
No one else could ever measure up
I'll always come to you
And to you I'll always run
I never got a splinter
But I feel like I've got a million
They go by a different name, though
"The days till I see you again"

Parenthesis

I'm sorry, but maybe it's gotta come out
So what would you say
What would you say if I'm scared
If the worst thing is always going through my brain
If I attend your funeral on accident
Playing always in my mind
Or in my quite nightmarish dreams
When I fall asleep at night
If I count down the days
If I try to let go
See, I've tried to spare you
From things that you don't know
If I wake up
If I fall asleep
If I keep my eyes open
And try not to dream
If I don't know I'll make it
If I swear that I will
If this is it for our summer
And I'm dreading until
If I suddenly realize
I'd welcome algebra and school
If I could only
Keep you here too
If I'm too scared to say it
If I don't talk at all
If I stand there silently
And watch the rain fall
I don't wanna tell you
That I could go on all day
But I've just got one question
What would you say?

After the Rain

It's the little things, dear.
And I'm here,
I'm here.

Five.

Of course, it had to end
As all good stories do
But however, that was just the beginning
How little we all knew...
You carried my luggage into the bus
Just a little symbolic, huh?
You secured it safely inside
And then Nick went and got Hannah's
When we climbed into the van
Payton had saved us seats
And we laughed and played "truth or dare" the whole ride
Which turned into just "dare" eventually
We were tired when we got back to the church
And so we said our goodbyes
I don't know if I was sad, or happy to be back
But recalling it makes me wanna cry
I was bubbly on the way back to my house
But then I felt so alone
I don't know how to speak, and don't know how to write
'Cause today you're coming back home.

Replace

I tried too hard
And now I'm alone
Typing unspoken words
On this cheap phone

I need to sleep
But my pillow's too wet
Give me a dream and
Help me forget

I cannot fix you
I can only try
So I try over and over again
But fail every time

I just wanna sleep
Take me to tomorrow
Take me away, 'cause I'm
Drowning in sorrow

Even when you're gone

You carry my world

Four

Here we are now
Time's almost up
I was panicking then, but
Now I'm ready for it to be done
Christian poked above my shoulder
And exclaimed, "Pressure point!"
We heard "Good Time"
Several times with much joy
My team won The Great Race
Much to my surprise
Though I just wanted to skip it
And fast forward time
I told Jacob my name was Wendy
And listened to what Hannah said
She made eye-contact, then told him
Her name was Annabeth
Grace sang Taylor Swift
The lyrics of "22"
And everyone else joined in
But it was a song I never knew
You guys also sang Julian Smith
The song that gets stuck in your head
As we merrily walked on down
That path again and again
We always sat at the same table
One day you were joined by Troy
You talked for several minutes
Both of you drummer boys
And I was always happy
As memories were made
I'm not sure if I knew or not
That I would never forget those days
I remember one day you told me
Peter Pan was your nickname
I couldn't help but smile then
Like I'm smiling today
Hannah was so funny
Because when we were in the pool
She'd tackle the boys who stole the beach ball
Like there weren't any rules
But one day I jumped in my bed
When I heard her squealing, terrified
And she begged me to kill the grasshopper
I could only laugh inside
And God was there, amazing
His glory shown at camp
We overflowed with joy
Now we know where we stand
He works behind the scenes, you know
In me, He planted seeds
I maybe saw just one of them
The rest remained unseen
But it makes me wanna cry now
When I look back to them
Because they've blossomed like nothing else
So many seeds He's grown from then
I said hi to Cole and Avery
Every other five minutes
You're coming back tomorrow
And I can't wait to hear about it

Three

It's pretty funny
The things I remember
How Hannah and I groaned
About a lack of screwdriver
You goons pretended
To be counselors
We laughed as we talked
About the future
Bananas were good
I found an old one in my backpack
I think I tried to give it to Grace
But I guess she denied that
You and Hannah went
To go and buy snowcones
And I sat at the table
Pretty much alone
But you came and asked me
If I wanted one
I said no thank you
But you weren't done
You asked if I liked them
To which I said yes
Then you ran to the counter
Well, I should have guessed
I don't think I told y'all
But I ended up spending
All of my cash on
The missionaries they were sending
I left for the restroom
But when I came back
A blue raspberry snowcone
By my seat it sat
We all got blue Trek shirts
Then went to get lunch
I said, "Hey you in the blue!"
And the girls laughed a bunch
Grace grinned and told me
"That sounds like something Joseph would say!"
And I said, "Yeah, I guess it was Josephish,"
'Cause I make up words all day
We got to your table
And laughed when we found
That "Hey you in the blue!"
Is something you called out
You made blue mashed potatoes
With your powerade
Went up to the counter
And filed a complaint
"Excuse me, my mashed potatoes are blue,"
I laughed so hard I cried
The guys spilled lemonade
Yep, they did that twice
I didn't get out in dodgeball
When the rest of my team did
Jordan was opposing
I almost hit that kid
When I was walking to my cabin
You galloped to meet my stride
And told me your last name backwards
As you walked by my side
Then one hour there was drama
And I was scared to death
Searching everywhere for you
Praying in my head
I talked with Grace and Hannah
They panicked about the mess
I kept saying it would be okay
That I would fix it, or try my best
Waited for a while in the prayer room
Cause some kid in the distance resembled you
Guess even then I needed glasses
Because my heart sunk when I saw the truth
Fast forward ten minutes, we're all at the table
But quiet as my mind wasn't
Weak attempts to make everyone laugh
But after a bit I was done with it
So I got up and left
I walked and walked away
Until my feet just dragged
And I could barely say
I sat down by a gate
Leaning my head back
Then saw Nick come my way
And avoided eye-contact
Sure enough, he saw me
Tried to make it okay
Ruffled up my hair
And then he walked away
I headed to my cabin
After a few ant bites
Then changed for espionage
And got ready for the night
That's when the girls burst in
Worried sick about me
They told me it was being worked out
And everything would be as it should be
I jumped with joy and it was okay
Next time I talked with you
The night was amazing and espionage great
A Russian Austin Adams' overview
I gave Grace half of my life stick
When somebody took hers
Because I'll readily do something like that
And I'll look after her first
We had to sing Taylor Swift
And then Owl City
We made it across once
Well, maybe, I think
Christian shined a flashlight
Right into my eyes
You know man, I really appreciated that
But don't think I was surprised x)
"With Everything" was amazing
And our God is even greater
I hope you see Him down there
And I will see you later

Whispers

The clouds are distant, but they try to remind me
That you're still coming back
You could call it a fail of a comfort to me
When the sky tonight turns black

The air is nice and the church kids are cool
Their laughing echoes through the air
And the air that I breathe is full of you
But you breathe over there

I think that we're all invisible
Whispering SOS, but no one understands
Funny how we're all invincible
Except for at our own hands

I asked you to let me sleep
When I finally did I received a nightmare
Is it ironic that those of us who dream
Don't sleep at night without those there?

And at camp, the emotions were frightened and many
Everyone got scared away
Chasing them off, but they never left me
I was the only one that stayed

I wonder if you'll wanna say goodbye
Once you leave me again
Or if it's just easier next time
To leave the word unsaid

Here's the story of my night
I want no sympathy
They say to my mom, "You're daughter's so full of life"
But I'm afraid it isn't me

Your feet move like piano keys
My heart's under attack
The nightmare isn't leaving me
And I'm whispering, "come back."

Swim out on a sea of faces
The tide of the human races, oh
An answer now, is what I need

See it in a new sun rising
See it break on your horizon, oh
Come on love, stay with me




Coldplay

Two

Then we woke up
Showered and all
Had our team times
They bounced off the wall
And there I still sat
Smiling, but small
I said I was quiet
Hannah said she was tall
She called me a nerd
When I fangirled with Jordan
Little did she realize
It was her soon-obsession
We listened to Nathan Smith
We drew asdf
They bought themselves snow cones
We goofed off at rec
Once Austin Adams
Came and sat down
Right at our table
With all us around
We talked about yogurt
He was using a fork
We teased him about it
Hannah said she used a knife, of course
The conversation moved
To some out-of-whack cockroach
Who Austin Adams said
Laid eggs in an envelope
One woman licked it
Accidentally had to taste
And I watched you during the story
Laughing at your disgusted face
The cafeteria was crowded
We waited for lunch
You held the doors open
And smiled a bunch
Hannah spoke of the monkey
From "The Lion King"
You said it was a baboon
Like you knew everything
We visited Grace's cabin
She visited ours
Rebekah put my hair up
After every shower
On the way to the pool
I saw Cole by himself
I invited him along
With me and everyone else
"Okay," he said
Quite hesitantly
Then told me to send him away
If he should bother me
I was a bit surprised
I assured him, and then laughed
But it kinda hit me hard
Guess I saw part of me in that
He ended up hanging
With another group of friends
So I stayed with mine
And jumped in the deep end
Grace and Hannah tried to
Convince me to ride
That uncanny tube
They call "water slide"
I'm not sure if I
Ever gave in
But then we swam over
To the shallow end
Jacob put his leg
Over his shoulder
And used it like some cannon
Over the water
All the boys' fingers
Were bleeding from gaga ball
But your cuts were from the hoop
When you played basketball
You and Nick climbed the tree
Sideways it grew
And Josh then attempted
But he wasn't smooth
I can still see our table
There at Snack Shack
And I hope you have fun
Getting our memories back

All my nightmares escaped my head
Bar the door, please don't let them in
You were never supposed to leave
Now my head's splitting at the seams
And I don't know if I can



Radical Face

*focuses on breathing*

One

We got to the church
I found my friend
I'll hold her hand
Until the end
Name tag on
Got in the bus
After a prayer
For all of us
She didn't want the window seat
So I got to see you outside
I'm not sure if earlier
I ever said hi
I recall it clearly
As I was there then
And here I am, trying to
Get back to you again
Hannah and I got bunks
Next to each other
There was a boy in my team
That reminded me of my brothers
Grace had a different cabin
Lizzie guided us around
Like we were her little chickies
First time out of town
Stood in line for pizza
It was pretty hot there
Saw a kid in a Flash shirt
And a girl with cool hair
In my team time
They asked about me
I told them one thing
Owl City.
One other kid
Gave me a "Yes!"
She only knew Fireflies
I could only guess
I introduced myself
I said "Emily"
But that was a name
They had already
Yeah, it was taken
By Fireflies girl
And it was hers
'Cause she said it first
A couple sixth-grade show off's
A girl who liked to surf
And Maisen, my friend now
But not then, she had words
(And I didn't)
Christian, the flashlight boy
Who made me think of my brothers
The only one that paid me attention
And he prayed for his mother
The boy, Eliouth,
Soccer was his thing
All the girls thought him cute
All the girls except me
My leader was nice
The high-schooler was cool
But I guess I was someone
That they never knew
Nick asked if I was lesbian
We hung out at Snack Shack
You dumped water on me
I never got you back
You claimed to have tried
To get Jacob too
I never decided
Whether or not that was true
We looked at our wrists
And "forgot how to breathe"
((But when you were around
That's what happened to me))
In Hannah's team she muttered
About stuffing a kid in the closet
And you glared at me
When I called Loki awesome
You bought a slide whistle
And learned "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"
Rebekah tripped over a rock
And skidded pretty far
You said I was like the nicest person you knew
When we were in the gift shop
And Jordan and Payton were being mean to you
They almost accidentally got shot
(on accident)
((by no one in particular))
You called everyone "Bobby"
And Hannah broke her hair
Now I'm living in a memory
And now you're over there

Journal.

I opened right up to the page

Guess you and I were born to fate

That's Okay.

Words are failing me,
My friend
They do this to me
Again and again
I'm sorry for the
Sudden ends
To halves and wholes of
Conversations
But let's take a feather from the wind
A subtle comment from my brother
The way the sun shines out
Or how I love my sister
Let's listen to the rainstorms
And two songs on my blog
The words that I receive
The words that make me wrong
Maybe we'll find something
To tell you how much
Maybe we'll find something
To tell you how much
When I cannot
And we're out of touch
When you're gone again
Find something, do
To tell you how much
I'm gonna miss you

Here

Hold on, wait
You're cutting out
I'm trying to hold on
To the sound
I think your ship is
Leaving ground
If outer space is
Out of town
I'll be here when
You come back down

Trying

If I threw my voice into the sky
Would it get to you?
If I really, really tried
Would you feel it like I do?

Hope...

Tomorrow I'll wake up early
And have to be better
It'll be time then
For a heart like a feather
Nothing to worry me
No eyes that get wetter
A mood about me that won't
Depend on the weather

And through the next hours
Through this ocean of a night
I will have to get better
I will fight and I will fight
I will grip my sword in hand
And climb out of my mind
And when I can't fight anymore
I'll try only to survive

Imbalanced.

Let me sink into this bed
I won't ever come back out
It's better than sinking into my head
Where I know I'm gonna drown

Circles

The music is merciless
And tears at my soul
There's no one around me
And I have gone cold

I feel for a pulse
But I am so worn
Will I be sleeping?
The question is born

Somebody stay
The night is too long
Somebody stay
And help me hold on

And help me hold on
I'm afraid to be gone

for you

I searched the stars,
I searched the sky

But the stars are too far,
And the sky's too wide


I'll keep searching till you're by my side.

Friday, June 5, 2015

And I will wait for you tonight
You're here forever and you're by my side
I've been waiting all my life
To feel your heart as it's keeping time
We'll do whatever just to stay alive

Dawn is coming,
Open your eyes.




Jose Gonzalez

Twice.

Hurt me once

Hurt me twice

Thus, I made

A sacrifice 

Nevermind

What you've lost

Nail it in

I'll hold the cross

Stain

You know what they told me
When I was a kid?
They said He forgave me
Of all that I did

They didn't tell me what I'd done
They didn't tell me what I'd do
But He's forgiven everyone
And everyone still includes you

Grip

Till my fingers are blue
And my knees are flat
You said You were true
I hold on to that




(From a few nights ago)

Goodbye

Through words and tears, the burdens to drop

Were thrown out of their heads

The words entered the nails, 

And then into the wood all the things that were said

Every girl took her time, weaving a story

Carefully hammering it down

Slowly making sure it went through

The cross and not the ground

And I said "here I go," then spun a web

Invisible strings all connect to a tale

Only one part they heard, but I gathered the words

And tied them around a nail

With something to leave behind, and a hammer in my hand

That painful nail went right into the wood

I hit it harder than any of them,

And the very top bent as far as it could

A stabbing memory now in the cross

A fire to make us all learn

A girl that stood and never took her eyes off

A goodbye, and I watched it burn

[soul]

I'm not sure when I wrote this. It might have been sometime last week or the week before, but I just decided I could post it, so here it is.

Now I'm spinning around

In a frightening haze

Looking for somebody

That never stays

She's called "Identity"

But I don't know her name

Do I find her in them, me,

Or this stupid game?

But I am a soul

That You will not forget

Even if that soul's someone

I haven't met

You fashioned this girl

And made her plans, I'll bet

So it's okay

If I don't know her yet

Under

My heart's never been down this road
A different one is all I've known
A fire has lit, and the light's just shown
Like now I'm knowing where to go

I look up to the starry night
Feel it fall into my eyes
Miss you once, and miss you twice
But we're both under the same sky

Eyelids shut and smile stays
Life is something I can taste
Everything else fades away
The thought of you still makes me brave

I could dance and I could fly
I am feeling so alive
Miss you once, and miss you twice
But we're both under the same sky

You make me laugh extremely hard
Even though you've travelled far
You're gone until I find my heart
I laugh no matter where you are

Ever since we said goodbye
I hope you've had a splendid time
Miss you once, and more than twice
But we're both under the same sky

Voice

I do take risks
They're just the ones
That no one else can see