Apologies

This is what I meant by
"Glass in my hands"
This is what I meant by stuff like
"You understand"
I don't know how
Don't really know when
But you've become
What I call "friend"
And when I say that
It does not mean
What everyone else
Makes it out to be
I retreat back inside
To where you find me
Where I promise myself
(That you're gonna leave)
But sometimes I listen to lies
Like I listen to songs
And then you step in
To prove that I'm wrong
You pick out the glass
And bandage my hands
You help me up
You tell me I can
Sometimes when I see you
I wanna laugh and cry
Yeah, both of those things
At the same time
Guess you could say you're talented.

Starlight

She's made up of starlight
But sees only flame
Got hurt by the fire
That makes up her name

She doubts all the people
That give her their love
'Cause she's been abandoned
Or never thought of

Little does she know
I still see the stars
Inside of her eyes
Behind all the scars

And I've always been here
Maybe one day she'll see
While they left her
She never lost me

Child.

They say everyone's afraid of death
But sometimes it's harder to live
Than it is to die

And I always greet them with a smile
And they think they know how
But they never know why

Maybe I'm not afraid to go
And my struggle is breathing
My struggle is life

When I'm drowning, You pull me back out
You lift my chin up
You look me in the eye

Maybe that's where I found my smile
You carried me miles
You called me "child"



"I will not die, but live
"And will proclaim what the Lord has done."
Psalm 118:17

Harvey Island

Wish I could grow cold
Cold to the world
'Cause I know that this soul
Will always get hurt

But I can't break away
From the ones that I love
Or their troubles like raindrops
That fall from above

Always surrounding me
Here on my mind
'Cause if you cut into me
They'd bleed from inside

So when my beautiful friends
Say that no one cares
To me it almost sounds selfish
'Cause I'm always there

It's a special trait of mine
Not one I can choose
Because if I could
I'd have it removed

I guess that's where the flaw is
And it makes me selfish
The fact that I hate that
My heart is so selfless

Which wouldn't make me selfless
See, I don't know
I'm a confused, confusing paradox
That just wants to go

So I'll go to Harvey Island
It hasn't been discovered yet
And I won't bring anyone with me
I'll become someone they can forget

Yeah, I'ma go to Harvey Island
And stay there for a while
Till nobody remembers
The girl that always smiled

I'm going to Harvey Island
Where I don't trouble anyone
No one else for me to cry over
Guess you could say I'm done

Don't worry, I'll feel better when I get it out.

There's nothing to say
The silence, it eats me
It won't go away
I swirl in a storm I've not made
Though I'm losing myself,
So I wouldn't know anyway
Take it from me,
Would you take it from me?
All that's locked up inside
And won't let me sleep
I'm tired
I'm just tired
Like I'm drowning in the water
I used to put out the fire
Like maybe there's no way out of this
Like maybe there's no droplet of doubt I'll miss
Which is, of course, insane
Because I know that there's a way
And I know I'll see one day
That this life was worth the wait
Maybe not for me,
But for His name
And I suppose now that's worth it to me.
But these thoughts still drag me on
So I sew them to my blog
With stitches of feeling
From wounds that are healing
But it doesn't feel like that at all
And Trek is implanted into my head
Like the earth holds the train track
Every moment, emotion, and vivid memory
Everything that I'll never get back
The first time at Messiah's Ranch
Painful, beautiful, and full of foreshadows
Yeah, I saw nothing then
But that lake was far from shallow
And
I remember every moment of everything
Every facial expression, and anything
That would mean the slightest bit to me
The train tracks worth remembering
And I'm holding on tight
To the soul-forsaken train
That takes me through everything
I live it all again
Travel through oceans
Inside of my mind
Examine the concepts
And pains in disguise
Pull out my wooden box
Of pitiful lies
Look at the victories
And all of the tries
My train never fails
To take me through my worries
And my nightmares
All that's scary
Or leaves me scared
So I watch myself fall away from Him
I watch myself lose you
I watch my friends go and...
I watch me not pull through
You leave
They're gone
Lost her
I'm wrong
But nevertheless,
My train carries on
Though I have souvenirs
From all of my thoughts
I learn to be brave
Sometimes through the train
It hurts, but that's pain
And pain makes you change
Thus, I've lost myself
But maybe I've learned
Through my own spirit
Having tossed and turned
I'm losing myself
Don't know what to do
'Cause now I'm afraid
[That I'll lose you too]

Atlas.

Some saw the sun
Some saw the smoke
Some heard the gun
Some bent the bow

Sometimes the wire
Must tense for the note
Caught in the fire, say oh
We're about to explode

Carry your world,
I'll carry your world
Carry your world
I'll carry your world

Some far away
Some search for gold
Some dragon to slay
Heaven, we hope, is just up the road

Show me the way, Lord
'Cause I, I'm about to explode

Carry your world,
I'll carry your world
Carry your world,
I'll carry your world

I'll carry your world
And all your hurt





Coldplay

No Name

Here it comes
A deep breath
Eyes closed
And I'm gonna be okay

Whoever I am
For I no longer know
I'm not familiar with this skin
And my being is hidden from me

Everyone is something
Nobody is nothing
No one except me
But does that make me free?

But I'll feel it today
That I'll be okay
That God has a plan
For a girl with no name

I was never right, but never wrong
And everybody thought I'd finish strong
But I can get there soon
If you push me to the moon

Maybe I can go away
Where everyone is gonna love me now





Ingrid Michaelson

Where'd I go?

I'm--

I thought that pulling my closet apart
And drawing out the memories
Would help and remind me of just who I am
But now I can't find Emily

The pictures surrounding me right now
They don't feel right at all
Is that me I see in the photo on the ground
And did I know I'd fall?

It's like my past threw up on me
And I remember that whole world
But it feels so distant now
And I don't know that girl

This was supposed to help me remember who I am
But I can't write and I can't speak and I do not understand
Who is she, how'd she survive, who is this person today?
Maybe this should all be gone, maybe it should blow away
I've been having strange dreams
And during daytime I'm seeing things
Why is nothing as it seems
Why's it so hard to believe
Also, why am I not crying?
Why am I not screaming out?
Why's it easy to keep smiling?
How am I so calm right now?
It's like I don't care about the things
I would've been thrilled about the other week
And my mask is scaring me
What's in the mirror that I see?
Am I slowly fading now
And am I okay with that?
Am I slowly freaking out
Am I under attack?
Am I really gonna drown
Or am I just out of whack?
Am I sinking to the ground
Six feet down
Don't know how
And all of these questions, all this doubt
Oh no, none of this was supposed to come out
I hoped that it was school
I hoped that it was school
I hoped that it was school
Gosh, I really hoped it was just school

(To the Beautifullest Optimist)

Happy birthday Grace!!! Have a WONDERFUL day girl. :) :) :)

s... t... I... dangit.

She woke up today.
You were at the bus stop when she got there,
Much to her dismay.
And you laughed and she smiled,
You two rode the whole way.
The halls filled with students.
But what if you were the only one she saw,
Would that surprise you then?
There was a note in her locker,
And her friends teased at her grin.
The classes were unpacked.
You elaborated on her slowing answer,
Because you've got her back.
And then you two drew superheroes,
And villains to attack.
The bell rang one last time.
Then you two ran out the doorway,
After saying goodbye
To all the other people
That get annoyed when you're right.
She's writing rhymes.
And you did a bit earlier,
She reads them every time.
And it's a bit late now,
But anyhow, goodnight.

Dear Villain

They're what I call my friends
You can't do that to them
You can't do that to them
You can't do that to them

I want to save the day
But there's no black and white,
There's only gray
No villain to defeat today
But all of my friends
Go through heck all the same

Try.

There's too much
I don't know how to say
There's too much
I don't know how to pray
There's too much
I don't know how to write
There's too much
That I'm holding tonight
"What's wrong with her now?
"I thought she was okay!"
Yeah, maybe I did too
But that thought never stays
I don't know how to write
I don't know how to speak
I don't know how to fight
I don't know how to breathe
I don't know how to die
I don't know how to scream
I just know how to cry
I just know how to bleed
I'm not sure how any of this
Is getting out anymore
Because I can't talk to anyone
And I can't write like before
I don't know if I'm just survivng or not
I'm afraid to ask myself
And I'm afraid that I will run out of use
That there's nobody I can help
I had to smile
I had to lie
I had to leave
And say goodbye
I had to sob
I had to dry
Now I have to live
I have to try

Novel

When we were all strangers
And never had a clue
There wasn't as much danger
But not as much love, too
And the strangest thing I'm thinking of
Is that when I found the few
It took so long to love so much
Well, all except for two
I'm not exactly sure just when
I found out my life's a book
But judging from the past
Maybe I'll take a look
Maybe it was when I discovered
My friend group wasn't perfect
Made entirely up of
People wondering if it's worth it
So we put it in songs
And we write it on blogs
And maybe take too long
To remember we're strong
But now I'm stuck inside this cycle
Of win, and then lose
If I tell you I'm alright,
Then I don't know what to do
I spend my Fridays in a room
Where I drift from all the rest
In an huge place with just two people
That even know I get depressed
And my life is a story
I haven't read yet
If my life is a card game
I've lost several bets
But I bet, it's getting better
Long as you all don't forget her
Long as I keep reading letters
That my troubles will be feathers
But the characters all around me
Are the ones I want surrounding me
So complex and quietly loud, see
All maybe a bit more broken than I would think
There used to be a point in the day
Where the circles under my eyes went away
And that point always stayed the same
But now the circles are the only things that stay
Like the sun in the morning
I woke up today
I'm still in bed,
But nah I won't stay
Just reading what I
Wrote yesterday
Decided to finish it
So thank me some way
I wanna be the hero of this story
Don't want the attention,
Or you to adore me
I just wanna save everybody
'Cause it kills me that I understand
And still can do nothing
But cue the trust
'Cause that's not my job
Gotta trust it
To my God
He's the only hero first
And sometimes causes others
Like my daddy there
A couple friends, and brothers
I guess the only thing that's hard
Is it's difficult for me to give in
And let them be a hero for me
When I just want to win
I'm not sure just at which point
I discovered that this girl Emily
Is not half as tough as she thought she was
And couldn't be as strong as she thought she'd be
If a shattered heart could show me that
Well, it shouldn't take that much
So I'll try to let the heroes save me
With Him, it's not as tough
But I guess it's the humans that get me
The heroes of flesh and blood
The ones that give themselves for me
When I'm caught in the mud
My life is a novel
And I'm sure of that
But I'm not the hero
So please don't ask
(I'm sorry she was born a year later
And I'm sorry the Flash
Always has to wait for her)
Today's beautiful
Let's dance on the piano keys
I'll hold you, in my mind
And then you'll spin me
We'll make it through this story
We'll make it right on through
You know, it's called trust, see
And I'll look after you