Beauty.

Don't trust the mirror
Can I give you girls advice?
Don't ever trust the mirror
Your reflection feeds you lies
Your eyes don't have the same gleam
In the bathroom's brutal light
And the mirror never shows you
Your giggle at midnight
Your reflection doesn't help you
Like you help all your friends
And it never tells you
About all the hearts you mend
It doesn't let you notice
How your voice always sounds
When you comfort someone
Or when you're breaking down
The mirror won't uncover
The beating of your heart
When you look out the window
And see the raining start
We females have a problem
With knowing we're enough
If we believe in God
Don't we believe he created us?
It seems that we're so wrapped up
In things we shouldn't be
Like do I look better than her
And is he into me?
Appearance is deceiving
I thought that you would know
And "hot" is just misleading
You're better than you know
Doesn't mean you can't wear makeup
It just means give it space
'Cause who doesn't love painting lines
All over their pretty face?
I don't want to hear that you don't like your smile
It's beautiful, girl, and I haven't seen it in a while
God didn't ask your opinion when he made your grin
Because He made it perfect, nose to your chin
Your smile is a lovely thing
To express when you are happy
And to help build others up
You're not allowed to call it crappy
And when I see you smile
Even if I'm on the moon
It makes my heart just swell with joy
And brightens my whole room
And listen up--
Every one of you girls
You don't need a guy
To determine your worth
Take no offense,
And not to be rude
But I think that's stupid
I know God does, too
"Oh, easy for you to say,"
I hear the words on your lips
Oh come on, I know
You were all thinking it
But don't be so quick
To think I'm alright
God has His own
Different plan for my life
And He's got one for you
If you're willing to see
Don't look my way
This is not about me
It's your relationship with God
I'm not in the equation
Don't point fingers and talk
We all have to be patient
A girl's life isn't about
Just falling in love
You've gotta look past that
And look up above
I'm not saying it's bad
We all know it'll come
I'm saying it's about God
It's not about us
You are not "forever alone"
Oh, give me a break
If you wait for your time
It'll come right your way
Someday we'll all find
The other halves of our hearts
Whether that someday
Is near or it's far
And believe me, he won't love you
Because your brand of makeup
But trust me, he will notice
Whom your heart really loves
In the meantime trust God
He'll always love you most
These things take faith
You're the one that He chose
This isn't about if you like your own body
This isn't about if you think that you're pretty
This is about whether you see what God sees
If you're confident in the person He made you to be
I want you to read this over again
I want you to lock it away in your head
Write it down, grab a pen
Type it all out instead
But it takes way to soon
To be moved and then forget
So come on, now,
Get up off of the floor
I don't ever wanna hear
"I'm ugly" anymore
Or even "I guess I look fine"
As you head for the door
You're better than fine, you hear?
You're the one God adores
You need to learn this lesson
If you haven't learned it before
Because vanity is an ocean
So swim on to the shore

Introspection

I open up the door
After picking the lock
There are mirrors and windows
And far too many thoughts

The windows are so clear
On the other sides are you
All you whom I love most
So I keep looking through

But I see inside the mirrors
In each a different girl
There's one with scars down her face
Another, a string of pearls

One thing stays the same
Each girl's pair of eyes
The same, but different too
Worn, dark, and bright

Some mirrors are gone
And some of them have cracks
Some of them are simply
Abandoned shards of glass

The items on the floor
Are not pieces of gold
But to me they're worth more
Than I have ever told

Some of them are letters
Some of them are books
Some of them are pictures
I take another look

Picking up a frame
I notice something more
I'm swallowed in the moment
The picture has in store

It all moves around me
I want to laugh and cry
This is a memory
That I have kept inside

My eyes move from the photo
And spot the chandelier
From it hangs a noose and
How long has that been here?

I cannot see the body
But I know it's not mine
Adulthood also hangs there
As though if from a vine

Scholarships and college
And someone all alone
Someone else is leaving me
And I see me all grown

There are other things too
But I just look away
That chandelier does not bring light
The light is what it takes

Paintings on the walls here
Between all of the glass
Thoughts from my own mind
My thinking from the past

Emotions swirl around me
But I stay back for once
I'm able to observe them
And I don't let them touch

I wish I didn't care so much
What other people thought
But I can't help it when I love them
No, I cannot stop

Oh how I wish I didn't care so much
What other people thought
Because they'll never ever decide
Who I am and who I'm not

And I wish I didn't hold so much
Behind these iron walls
And that I didn't have to hurt so much
When other people fall

Yeah, I wish I didn't hold so much
Behind these iron walls
And that I didn't care so much
When they don't see at all

Misunderstood

Oh, look at the stars
Right in the mirror in your house
Don't you think it's time
That you and me had broken out?

Oh, I've always loved
This place, I've always loved this town
But don't you think it's time
That you and me had broken out?

But they're not
Waiting on me
They're not
Waiting for me

If they had known me
Oh, if they had known me
A year ago
Right now, if only they knew me

Epic of the Telephone Line

So You said I'll run and not grow weary
But I guess I'm getting kinda teary
There's no way that You still love me
You're ninety trillion miles above me

Tell me again I'm not alone
I don't hear You on the other line of the phone
So I'll put the phone down, because that's not my faith
And I'll look up to You and remember my place

I find You again, or maybe You find me
But I remember that I don't need to see
Faith must be strong, faith doesn't sleep
"Her God is so much stronger than she"
You're holding me
You're holding me

Beat This

It's so late
Why is it so late?
Why is there that haughty clock
To govern my whole day?

Into bed
I climb into bed
Weak from really long short days
And worries in my head

Drag myself
I just drag myself
I'm running out of fuel now
It might just stop itself

Strong enough
Am I strong enough?
Yes, you told me, yes I am
And so I'm strong enough

Grip

They can talk,
But I feel him shaking
And I don't care about words anymore

Riddles

Riddle me this,
What's wrong with me?
Why do I hold what's not
Mine to carry?

And riddle me this,
Why can't I breathe?
Why do I care so much
When they can't see?

Your Side

Please,
Please,
Please,
Please,
You're not losing
Anything
I love you so much
And I can't bear
For you to think that
No one cares
This is a war
And I'm on your side
And you're not losing
Not tonight
I've got your back
You don't need to have mine
And we can win in this moment
Without yet getting the prize
We don't need it now
We've got time
And oh, my friend,
I'm on your side

(whisper)

Maybe I lost my voice
Maybe I can't speak
But this wasn't my choice
Can't make them listen to me

If I tell you you don't need it yet
The sound will drown out fast
Even if you heard then you'd forget
My impact doesn't last

Shall I remain a whisper here?
Is that to be my fate?
Shall I just fall on broken ears?
This fate I can't escape

And I'm about to lose it now
'Cause part of me still dies
When I watch you all start to drown
While the water doesn't rise

I'm breaking just to see you smile
But you won't take my hand
It only takes a little while
To forget I understand

My head hurts.

Sometimes All the Time

Watch me now

I stand my ground

And look as I fight

Bravely

Never doubt

I've had my doubts

And never think I'm

Perfect

Oh, do you really think I'm dreaming?

Like some fool with no experience?

Guess you've never seen me screaming

Like the fool without my innocence

I guess you never went through

Those sleepless nights

And never watched me 

Lose those fights

And that's okay

Just don't say

I'm always right

Because I fall apart sometimes

All the time

Hope Out the Window

Today is different now

I titled my poem first

I titled it before

I even wrote one verse

I don't like to be constrained

By rules, 

They only suffocate

So I'm sorry if you're choking on my words

But I can't have rules on my blog

It just hurts

The sun's coming out soon

But as of today

I'm happy with the rain

You should see me dancing in my room

If it would make you laugh

Gosh, I'd like you back

This is beautiful, dear, this life that we have

And I'd like you back

If you could come back

Just come back

Oh, it's raining outside

But my sky is big and bright

And as of today

Good things, my dear,

Are coming our way

Even in the rain

Good things, my dear,

Are coming our way

There are pictures of you on my bucket

But unaware,

I put them there,

And didn't know it was you yet

I've said this before

And for

You I'll say it again

God foreshadows

Even in the littlest details

Like a sticker of a boy fighting pirates

On my white Home Depot bucket

Little girl, little girl,

Tell me you still love the world

And little girl, little girl

Hold to your hope,

Hold it secure

They say, 

Oh they told,

"You should not have to rip yourself to pieces

"To make others whole."

Can we make an exception here?

'Cause I hear "should" and "should not"

Boy, I hear them a lot

But it never stops

Me, I'll never drop

As of today,

I'll break the should's and should-not's

As of today,

We'll all be okay,

And as of today that's a thought.

(Thanks.)

Here's to you
For being there
Because I can't believe,
In case you're unaware,
That I am not deceived,
And that you actually care.



:)P

Dollar

Bare feet on the
Cold cobblestone
I'm walking by myself
But I'm not walking alone
If there was a chance
You know I'd take it
If there was a finish line
You know I'd make it
Just to get there
Oh, it's just to get there
I could repair
You, have to get there
But the cobblestone ends
And here it drops off
And nobody told you
And you still don't stop
Your foot moves on forward
Oh no, now you'll fall
Help me help you now!
Stop waiting for the call!
And I can't,
I can't,
I cannot control a thing
There once was a girl
With the name Emily
This place, how it swirls
Around her, can you see?
Let's take a moment,
Cut through the phone
You see her talking
But she's all alone
Bullets they fly
She misses them all
Also misses the steps
And you'd think that she'd fall
But she waits for her time
Right when time's gonna snap
Too much, not enough
Can't get anything back
Wendy's alone now
But faith she won't lack
Well, I'm thinking at least
She keeps telling herself that
"Oh, I'm gonna find my way
"Watch me, it'll happen
"One of these days."
But you see, all that time
Spent right by the window
Really payed off,
Just ask her, she would know
There she sits right now tonight
Whispering, "Darling, I promise it's alright.
"We both know what's coming,
"We'll manage this fight.
"I'm not gonna leave,
"Don't you worry your mind.
"We've all made mistakes,
"We'll talk through the past times."
And this is too long,
But so are my thoughts
Skim right on through,
Read it or not
Here's the thing:
I'm pulling your fingers away from your head
Telling you point them all at me instead
Don't hurt yourself in this unlucky mess
Holding it inside wasn't meant to be best
If anything, please take it all out on me
I'll be the blame if it gives you the peace
But I can't lose another and I'm not at ease
I think of the loss when I'm trying to sleep
And when I dream I don't know what to say
Sometimes it's good, I hold to it all day
But then I get nightmares of all of these ways
I could lose someone, and someone won't stay
I'm trying to scream, please don't tell me you're deaf
I'm trying to tell you I've been where you've been
I'm trying to help you not wish you were dead
But rather, I'm going through it all again
I feel what you feel and it's hard to explain
But I can imagine just what you might say
And who you might hurt and who you might blame
I know it's not me but I want it that way.
And there it is
Have I said too much?
Or have I even
Said enough?
A penny for my thoughts
Is really to cheap
When I pour out all that I think when I can't seem to fall asleep

(just in case)

I know you're trying so hard

And now it all falls apart 

But I was right here from the start

And really, it's not all that dark

The Forever Day

But it's too early
It's too late
How did I get
Here today?
The sun came up
I saw the grave
With zero things
To motivate
I'd almost swear
I saw the pain
Decide to leave
And then just wait
To find me here
And then to stay
Forevermore
The forever day

And it took me forever
To get out of bed
The sun just rose higher
Over my head
It's blue outside
But the colors are dead
I checked and my heart
Was still painted red
Welcome, worry
Take my place instead
I know, I'm sorry
'Cause this is a mess
I won't quit trying
And I tried my best
But in the end
I'm only depressed

A Thousand Solar Flares

I am exhausted
I am strong
I am hoping
I'm not wrong
The way home gets disappointing
Isn't home when I'm with you though?
I see the reflection of the car's side mirror
It's right here inside this window
Like a portal in the sky
In it's the street where all the cars drive
And they never fall out
They only pass by
So I stayed up late
Filling in a map
I colored the places
With green, pink, but black
Was used for the letters of countries so far
Might as well just reach for the stars
I traced rivers and named cities
And thought of places oh-so-pretty
I am on my way
Just give me a few days
My eyes wanted to close
But my mind opened up
And the worries poured in
From calamity's cup
You have to tell yourself things sometimes
Just so you can make it
You have to calm your heart some nights
Just so you don't break it
We'll leave, darling
We'll go see those stars
I'll help you feel better
One day we'll be far
The pen's still writing
Ocean names now
Sometimes you have to
Say it out loud
You'll get it done
It'll pass in time
She'll be okay
He will be fine
Now get some sleep, dear
Go and try
And I'll try to calm
Your active mine
But can I sleep
When lives are at steak?
Now, settle down
You bend, you don't break
Remember?
No.
Maybe I'll cast my fishing net
Out into the sky
And just gather up all of the stars
If it takes too long to fly
And I'll give them to you one by one
Diamonds don't compare
Maybe I could cheer you up
With a thousand solar flares
Maybe those footprints on the moon
Actually belong to me
Maybe a million years is "soon"
'Cause that's what you said to me
I'm trying to live happily
And I'd say that I'm succeeding
I'm trying to live happily
But they cut down my cherry tree
I am listening
To your song
I am pretending
Time's not long
I am right here now
I'm not gone
I am exhausted
I am strong.

"You're It."

I look down at my feet, and suddenly the smell of the air changes.  It confuses me for a moment, but when I see the carpet, I understand.  This is Lake Pointe Church.  I raise my head again, and slowly keep on walking.
When the hallway ends, there's a corner, which leads me to another one.  But when I round the bend, I gasp, almost choking on the air, as some kid dashes right into me.
But he doesn't.  He goes right through.
Ah, I am a ghost.
Laughing like an idiot, the fifth-grader darts down the hall I just exited, without noticing my existence.  I face the new hall again, the cream-colored walls on either side making me feel a strange sensation in my chest.  I know this place so well.
My fingers find the wall, and I watch them glide across the rough surface as I keep walking.  Two brown doors stand before me, and I know exactly what lies behind.
A sudden bang against the door startles me.  Then, after a second, it opens.  Slowly at first, then it picks up speed.  Some other goon takes off through the door, and I slip through it before it closes.  The boy looks familiar though.  Brown, messy hair.  Dark skin and glasses.  That's Bayley, I think.  However, he's now at the opposite side of the door from me.
My face breaks into a smile when I take in my new surroundings.  Actually, anything but new.  This room is one of the places I found myself.  I've been here a million times.
Tables dot the floor, and chairs are scattered around hopelessly.  The kid in front of me is the reason why.  Jordan.  He thinks that, during a game of tag, if one throws a chair behind oneself, it will stop the other person from tagging you.  It usually works I suppose, but never on me.  I always jumped the chairs.
But Luke doesn't.  I watch as the shaggy-haired kid trips on the chair, falling over clumsily, and knocking over a small black trash can on the way down.  Jordan shrieks with laughter as he leaves the room, causing my grin to spread even more.
"Jordan," I remember having asked him a billion times, "has anyone ever told you you scream like a girl?"
And he did it on purpose.
I almost let out a laugh when I see Luke on the ground again, but my voice is caught off by...
My own voice?
I whirl around, and twelve-year-old Emily bursts into gleeful laughter, clutching her side.
"Are you alright?" she asks Luke, who gets up and starts picking up pieces of trash off the floor.
Oooh, that buck tooth.  So glad I got braces.
"Yeah, I'm fine," replies Luke, trying not to laugh.
I hear another giggle from the corner of the room, and I look to see little Jillian.  Oh, sweet little Jillian Johnson.  My only friend in Surge, basically...  She was better than the other girls.
But Luke's still it.
"Come on Emily," I whisper, though she wouldn't hear me anyway.  "Run.  Don't you know how good Luke is at this game?"
She knows.
As Luke regains his composure, he walks towards her, and she nonchalantly backs away, still talking. "Okay, Jillian," tiny Emily says, "run.  Hurry."
Jillian makes the smart move and gets out of that place.  Soon, there is only a table between Emily and the "it."  I feel like an idiot, but my own heart pounds as I watch the intense game fall into place.
Emily taunts the goon.
"Whatcha gonna do?" she asks.  "Jump the table?"
Well, yes.
In one quick movement, Luke's feet are off the ground, and he's soaring majestically through the air.
Until he's not.
His legs hit the table with a thud, and Emily speeds out of the room, laughing till I know her gut hurts.
I quickly follow her into the main room of the youth group, and a ton of familiar faces greet me.  Well, not exactly, because I'm unseen, but you get the picture.  I notice for the first time all the judgmental looks Emily gets from the popular girls as she flies through the room.  But I don't care, and neither did she.  She was having fun.
There was Hannah, at one table with a few other girls.  I chuckle a bit, knowing that we had known each other since first grade, but never talked till sixth.  I wonder if this was the stage she thought I was prissy, or the stage she thought I was a nerd...
Emily's wearing her Flash shirt.  I assume this was the nerd stage.
Well, Hannah was right.
By Hannah's side is Charla.  I've known her forever as well, but again, sixth grade was the only time we talked.  As she would admit to me years later, she too thought I was a nerd.  Again, quite correct.  She chats and giggles with Hannah.  I'm pretty sure she just pretended I didn't exist for a while.  Don't blame her.
Emily's tangled, stringy brown hair trails behind her, and I put my head in my hands.  Wow.  I didn't need to revisit fifth-grade Emily.  She wears boys' basketball shorts because all the rest are too exposing of the skin, and she doesn't use lotion.  Well, if I had to be someone in fifth grade, I guess I'm glad it was her.
Luke reenters the room, this time with curly-haired Collin at his side.  Oooh, Collin.  That kid definitely enjoyed spiting me.  We had a frenemy friendship.  Although, maybe mostly enemy... But it was fun to smack him in a game of tag, I'll give you that.
Emily hides behind a few normal people, but soon she catches a glimpse of Collin pointing her out to Luke.  Luke, who must still be it (cheating idiot, he always had some sort of an alliance with Collin), takes off in my direction.  She doesn't make it out of the room in time.  Too many people in the way.
Now she's up against Luke, the boss at tag, who is a master at tagging you back the minute you tag him.
But she hasn't been tagged yet.  With a quick motion, Luke's arm flings forward, and Emily jumps backwards, just barely missing the swipe.  As soon as her feet touch the ground again, she's off.  Gone like the wind.
One word: #skill.
As Luke and Collin follow, I can't help but wonder; what would Emily think if she saw me now?  Twelve to fifteen.  And dang, things have changed like crazy.  Would she be proud of me?  Would she be mortified?  Would she laugh?  Would she be amazed?
There's no way to know.  Well, maybe.  Maybe if I tried hard enough, I could get her attention.
The trip back to fifth grade was fun, but I don't talk to her.  Miss Angela (one of my favorite people) calls everyone to come sit down for the lesson, and I take that as my cue to head out.  Emily's about to hit a hard part of her life, and once she thinks she's okay again, something worse will happen.  Something so much worse.  But the end will be beautiful.
She'll figure it out.  She's got this.  I believe in her, even though she doesn't believe in herself (Paradox, anyone?).
I open my eyes, and I'm at my desk again. 12:32 a.m.

Yeah, she'll figure it out.

Silent

So many things
Just aren't the same
I don't know if I
Should feel betrayed

There is nothing here
Not anymore
I can't fight back the fears
Of the life before

Maybe I should
Open my mouth
But I am unsure
Of what would come out

I can't explain
Anything now
Maybe last year
I knew I could drown

That made things simple
But I don't want simple anymore
I don't know if I should speak
Of the way it was before

Water

It happening again
In front of my eyes
I'm standing right here
As though in disguise

There's nothing I can do
I can't give someone hope
There must be something I can do
But they don't even know

They don't know I almost drowned
Because they never saw me fall right in
Because I never made a sound
Because I didn't want water to win

And now that I have learned to breathe
They think that it was never hard
I can't help someone else to see
That they don't have to fall apart

The Confession

'Cause darling, I've been getting nightmares
Of things that would never happen
I guess it's been a while
Since I've really had them

But sleeping there on the pillow
Left me weeping on like a willow
And while I awoke with dry eyes
I was sobbing much past midnight

Like the willow I am strong
Like the wind I carry on
And like myself, I might be wrong
And unlike you, I'm here, not gone

So I put this message in a bottle
And I send it off to sea
Draw my sword and fight these battles
Until you come back to me

Same to You

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way




Plain White T's

Aftershock

Remind me I'm not lost

It's not looking that way

How is this so hard

So very hard today?

What she feels, I feel too 

I'm wrapped up in the past

Those things that I went through

They can hurt me so fast

I don't want to lose

(you)

Blood.

I'm used to this feeling
I feel it in my eyes
Perhaps it comes
Again tonight
I'm not used to healing
It comes as a surprise
But I don't lack faith
I only fight
Maybe my goal could be
More than surviving
And just trying to get through
To future days with troubles all new
So drag me through the night
And drag my through the day
I will try to stay afloat
But that's all that I can say
The sky has darkened now
To help me lose my way
And recurring words
Echo through my brain
These things take faith
These things take faith
But faith was never easy
And easy's not what I want
If you want me to make sense of this
I most certainly can not
Guess it's really a little too much
To just ask for a hug
I'm fighting things I cannot see
And losing the ones that I trust
The fuel hasn't burned out
But I'm driving through the mud
And it's only so long till I stop
And this is the war of blood

Come on, baby
Don't let it
Break
Your heart




Coldplay

A Breath

It's been pretty good

In an awesome kinda way 

There may have been someone that I missed

But no one has to know today

And you don't have to be okay

Not today and not tonight

You don't have to know your way

It's alright to not be alright

That makes allergies real helpful

'Cause no one knows that you've been crying

And a heartbeat's also great

Because they never see you dying

You know, a breeze is really nice

I hope you'll make it

I can't carry all your burdens for you
But I'm not giving them back

[invisible]

It's not your fault love,
You didn't know.
You didn't know.

Atlas

I think that this
Is all too much
For me to handle.
But I'll handle it anyway.

The Sweetest

With a pillow in my arms
And a song to comfort me
Tonight I'll close my eyes
And fall right into sleep

Rock Bottom

See what I mean, Greenie?
Now you see what I mean
You wait your whole life in a depressing sort of state
Wishing for one thing

Get how I feel, Greenie?
Now you've been shown
You wait so very long, you think you're gonna fall away
That's when you lose hope

Did you hit your knees, Greenie?
Yeah, I know you hit your knees
And just like in my life, maybe now you can finally see
It only takes one week

Today

It's today now
Time to start the day now
Give it to God
Get to my feet
And move along
We're done with sleep

It's today now
Time to start the day now
You're in my heart
You're over there
And as you start
You're in my prayers

So be good now
Or, super, I should say now
Go through today
With tons of life
And choose to save
Things that are nice

Similarities

This is you
This is me
These are our similarities

There's the cliff
You won't jump
That's the same for both of us

This is life
I love it through
So I hope that that's the same for you

Saving Grace

Dear God,
I was terribly lost
When the galaxies crossed
And the sun went dark

But dear God,
You're the only North Star
I would follow this far




Owl City

Ajfb Gkh

Just talking
Just being
Just laughing
It's enough power
To get me through a lifetime

A Thousand Lives

You've gotta rise up
It's time to be the hero
Now, now, now
The waiting's down to zero

You knew this day was coming
You've waited all your life
You saw the soon-adventure
Through all the ease and strife

So stand up and let's go
It's time to save the world
With the love inside your eyes
And the kindness of a word

Along the way we might
Stop a bomb or throw some knives
But it's the braver things, you see
That save a thousand lives

(One Way Less)

And God, You have heard
You saw me on my knees
Now You've given me so very much
I don't deserve a thing

More than I could have asked for
On the night that I lost hope
I knew of only one way through it
But that's one way less than You know

Crying through the window last year
I begged for it to end
But You let it continue, and then gave
Me what I had wanted, instead

I never could have seen this coming
Can't comprehend how You had a plan
That when I'd lost hope, it took a week
For me to understand

It's Time Now

The lights
Under the cracks
Of their doors
Are gone

Reflective.

The sun rises and it sets

But during the latter, 

I never can rest

It's so beautiful,

I always do my best
To try and take it in
But it leaves me,
Heading west
The painful truth hit me tonight
As I watched the sun take flight
That the sunset is like my moments with you
A glimpse of true beauty, always gone too soon
I go back and search for it
In almost-despair
But it's as though I
Were never there
And then the light falls down
And then the moon comes out
And then soon I am found
By the cold inside this house
If I told people about what's going on
I wouldn't get into trouble
For never speaking at the table
And maybe it's pride that makes me not talk
But I feel that it's something
With a little more meaning
It's the thoughts in my head
And the monsters under my bed
And the things I always lay down
Just to pick them up again
I don't know if I'm running
But please don't count me dead
I think I've got a chance in this
And I'm not over yet
Still, the moment holds so very much more
Sometimes I forget what I'm fighting for
And I'm very, very close to simply walking out the door
To find out what a life on the run has in store
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Tell me, just when shall I fall?
Sympathy
Covers me
And it's such a curse at nighttime
Everything
Weighs on me
And I don't know if I fight right
I feel a start
At my desk
In my chest when I am speaking
I keep my heart
Painted red
So no one can tell it's bleeding
"Like everyone else"
Is something I can't manage
If you want to insult me
Go ahead and call me average
Because I'll hope to be strong
And I'll hope to be brave
But I don't know who I am
At the end of the day
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
I can't say a thing at all
Under the covers
On top of this bed
I'll use the two lines
Again and again
Under the covers
On top of this bed
Out of my mind
And inside my head
Maybe I could
Remember instead
All the good things
Over time that I've kept
He told me I can't carry everything
As if I didn't know
And though talking to Daddy always somehow helps
I cannot let this go
Put it down,
Pick it back up
I'm not moving forward
I'm getting more stuck
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
You are not the one I'll call
When I fall
Lose it all
The name of God
Was never small

the floor

I wish that I was there to
Wipe away the tears and
Maybe you could try
To wipe off some of mine

The days are getting tougher
The miles are getting longer
But in a sense it's better
'Cause in a sense it's fine

Bedtime

I remember how it feels now
Standing in the doorway
Looking very solemn
Thinking of the past

I found myself surrounded
By all of this emotion
Looking for an exit
Feeling too at home

The daylight then was fading
Beneath the soft horizon
Like my petty hopes were
Fading all too fast

A breeze upon tomorrow
A weight upon my shoulders
It's bittersweet to think of
'Cause everything has changed
Everything has changed

I'm walking through the hallway
Feeling very patient
This was just yesterday
And now I'm unprepared

The memories come like raindrops
Falling very quickly
And I can't turn the doorknob
And I can't move my legs

I could not control it
Everything that happened
Stuck inside my feelings
Hating my own heart

Nobody could see it
Even if I told them
Even if they noticed
But they never did

Sister couldn't help me
Brother didn't know it
Friends were oblivious
And I just didn't care

She said that she was sorry
I know she really meant it
Not that she could feel it
I told her I was too

I can't believe it's over
I don't believe it's lucky
And is it all okay now
Or have I lost my mind?

Everything's alright now
But I'm afraid at bedtime
I'll wake up in the morning
And it will have been a dream
'Cause everything has changed

Now I watch the sunset
Thinking of my heart's song
Wondering about you
And everything has changed
Everything has changed

I know you can't remember
All that really happened
But I could call it vivid
And none of it's the same
Everything has changed

Level Two

There are two different levels
Two different ways
Only one shovel
To bury this weight

Down, down it goes
Down I thought it'd stay
But sometimes it shows
In two different ways

Level one is right here now
I see with my eyes
Level two is beneath this
What's supposed to be disguised

Level one is what they see
What they give credit for
Level two is what I feel
Behind iron doors

They don't see the flowers
They don't see the smile
The don't see the showers
Of rain that pour for miles

They don't see the struggle
To simply stay afloat
They don't see the battle
They don't get past my moat

They don't see the brother
They don't see the tears
They don't see the others
They never knew two years

They don't see the patience
The arrows that were released
They don't see the faces
That every night I see

They don't see the armor
That I almost didn't wear
They never knew the harmer
All the bruises and the tears

They never heard the prayer
Or saw purple on my knees
And they were never there
When I was screaming please

They never lived those nights
Or had the dreams I did
They never saw the train
That keeps itself well-hid

So I know I can't expect them
To know what it all means
And I try to protect them
From all the deeper things

Level one is plenty
I'm good, I make it through
I do not think they're ready
To see my level two

Bets.

Today I started sweating
Though still as cold as stone
Today I started betting
On how far I could go

How far would I make it
If I just left the house?
Would I go on forever
Or would I turn around?

Would I have a destination?
If I went, then I'd be doomed
A teenage girl's not safe
But am I safe in my room?

Today I started thinking
Of the little box I'd take
Didn't know what was inside it
Maybe it would stay

I wanted most to leave
It took effort to remain
Maybe sometime I'll shatter
But it won't be today

I need to take another walk.
Take my hand?
Please, let's just go.

But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why



Tenth Avenue North

Stains.

It's a little too hard
It's the end of the day
Now you're really too far
Now you're worlds away

It's a moment I miss
It's the time I lack
I'm only thinking of this
Now I can't get you back

Free Your Mind

So run down the hill
Barefoot, in the bitter cold
Listening to Owl City
With someone's heart to hold

Just run, yeah run on down
Listening to "Beautiful Times"
Feel the wind against you,
And free
Your
Mind

There We Have It

What a white day outside!
Just look at the sky
Like a clean sheet's the only thing
Letting in the light
Well, way to make it
Even more dull
I've already been waiting
Hours and hours full
I'll sit here on my bed
Studying, 'cause I have time
Too much, I would say
Three years until tonight
We could take the train,
We could drive a car
We could fly a plane,
To get somewhere far
But just keep on, keep on going
The seconds moving on
It drags without them knowing
It's taking far too long
I think that I shall stare
Right at my broken chair
Ethan tried to fix it, but you see,
He got nowhere
I think people laugh
When my mind runs like a train
I'm consistently inconsistent
I'm a paradox in a frame
Don't you think it's funny how they're
Obsessing over our song?
The one we requested endlessly
And waited for for so long?
Here's the thing
I'd like to sing
But it's a tad bit hard when you're
Studying
Ugh, this is annoying, I'm not
Running out of words
And so I'll write unprofessionally
But not even to be heard
What is this
And why do I miss
You so irritatingly bad?
So flippity-dippin'-dots bad?
Well, that's always an awkward moment
When you don't want to look the same
And so you pull on a costume
But not a thing has changed
Oh rhymes, could you please leave me?
I'm over this, believe me
I need to do school, but I can't breathe
Because words can be suffocating
You know, sometimes I feel helpless
Like I'm in high heels and a nice dress
And sometimes I'm so hard-pressed
But it never lets me forget
Here's a predicament
One that's too legitimate
One I can't escape with this
So I now will write on it
"If the sun brings warmth
Why am I so cold?
And if my hands can grip
Why won't they hold?
Oh great
Oh no
I think I've let go"
But I wish I could show
And I wish you would know
Life is beautiful
You're not on your own
'Cause you and I
Are kinda the same
World on our shoulders
No one else to blame
And here we still wait
But we missed the train
Here on this bench
We soak in the pain
And I still feel like I'm screaming
Letting you know
But my cries fall on ears
That went deaf long ago
I can see you running
Full speed ahead
Towards the edge of a cliff
The path that I went
So I chase after you
I reach for your arm
But my feet aren't moving
I can't even start
Again this will happen
You drown in knee-deep
And I'm begging you to stand
Just so you can breathe
But I'm a little too far
There's too much that I'm not
I'm a little too faded
I only can watch

And there we have it, folks

The mind of a girl 

Who just doesn't know

So by writing she tries to let go

And sometimes it helps,

But it's still her own

I should take a long walk

For the sake of my head

Because now I can't talk

There's more space there instead

This is not an improvement 

Though writing just might help the movement

It doesn't take you off my mind, and

It doesn't quicken up the time

I'll hold tightly to your words,
His promises,
And make it.

This is War

There's a war going on outside
I hear it from this room
The air rips on straight through the sky
Pulling trees up from their roots

I hide behind this window
And all the blinds are closed
I listen to it bellow
And shiver in this cold

I have my own wars
As I listen to theirs
Mine are behind these doors
Mine are up these stairs

Save me, save me
I can't sleep
Hearing, thinking
Far too deep

Calm down, wind
You're as fine as me
Slow down, wind
I've got to sleep

If the birds could send messages
Through the sky
I'd beg them to tell me
You're alright

Something's wrong here
It's my mind
Please calm down
He's alright

But my heart's still racing
And so is my head
I am more awake
When I lie in bed

Now I curse the wind
And I cannot choose
'Cause it always wins
And I always lose

"So just close your eyes,"
But that's when I feel
That's when I lose sight
Of what might be real

Solace will not come
Even if I wait
And I cannot run
And it's far too late

If the wind would slow
I'm sure my mind would not
But with me, who knows?
Maybe it could stop

Oh but this is torture,
Are you okay?
I hope that you're asleep
That you're not awake

Heartbeat

It's okay
We're okay
Like dreaming, but I'm
Wide awake
With each breath
That we take
I feel a heartbeat
That won't change

The Sun's Descent

I'll stay here a while
Stare this window through
'Cause it'd be such a shame
To waste such a view

See the sun's descent
As it turns the clouds pink
The lavender strokes
Cause me to think

How the clouds stretch onward
Their castles in sight
The castles we'll find
Once we take flight