white

I know that I cannot fix this
I wish that that was all it took
For me to stop feeling the pressure
With the universe on my shoulders

Still, I crumble to my knees
Bury my face in my hands on my bed
I need to see him in twenty years
God, tell me he's alive in twenty

I thought I'd get better at this
How many times can someone's heart break?
And is it more or less for him?
What with his soul floating along in the wind

Yet, I pine over my beloved
So selfishly, counting down the hours
I want only to see him again
While the hearts around me fall dead

And I feel it at two in the morning
All the distance between him and me
I know I need to swallow my pride
Trying to prove each other wrong, trying to prove each other right

I used to have nightmares that you'd leave me
Now I just dream that you come back
White-knuckling my pillow when I wake up
A few cities away shouldn't be such a shake-up

He said there's always a crucial moment
That could end a relationship
And over the phone, we're crying
We stay up way too late to fix anything

An hour is making a place in my heart
You fall asleep on the phone with me when I'm at school
You are the one that I will always run to
I'll stay through anything, I will not lose you

But the tears come anyway and I tell you I'm alone
"Baby, you've got me, I'm not far away"
I guess it just kills me we have to say this over the phone
But I press it to my chest and try to feel you this close

The lights are dim, as usual
The seat at the end of this row is still empty
I feel the presence of nothingness
But it could have been everything

Maybe they could have forgiven me
Maybe I could have let it go
What if it hadn't swallowed me?
Is there any way to know?

He speaks with genuinity
The kind I always heard
His actions reaching volumes
That can't be reached by words

And I tried to understand it
The way this passed me by
I think of seeing him here
Hold my breath and close my eyes

And suddenly he's distant
He's too far from my grasp
My fingers tighten on my journal
As if I can bring him back

But there's nothing in the seat left to me
Somehow more painful than when they all left me
I told the world I did not need protecting
And that's when the arrows came flying

It hurts me in ways it shouldn't
To have thought that they were all better than this
But I always end up back here
I always called myself a misfit

Some people just go faster
I never quite caught up
Where's the happily ever after
For the friend who falls in love

But nevermind those troubles
I'm on to new ones now
A man jumps off a building
A girl has hit the ground

And she says it's not the same
Like the telephone wire snapped
But she won't rely on feelings
To try and pull her back

They run, away, away
I won't go out as the pretender
I gather up the pieces
And hold them all together