2016.

2016 was a strange year.
Everyone has different views of it, mostly involving politics and such, but I promise that my struggles throughout this year scarcely had to do with any of such controversy.  No one that I've listened to really loves 2016; I see it as a beautiful year.  I view it as a terribly painful year, but my God was not absent during one microsecond.
This year was intense.  This year... I went on an Anchorage retreat that was bittersweet.  Throughout the weekend, I questioned where I belonged, and I felt sick, though I tried not to, due to a person present that I associated with a thousand wordless emotions.  This year, I battled depression.  This year, my friend group fell apart.  I drift in and out of relevance.  I find myself on the outside more often than I have been in a while.  I've felt alone.  This year, Shelby ran away.  They found her, but no one accounted for the fact that she was still lost.  This year, my sister's relationship broke up.  This year, Anchorage ended.  This year, my sister went to college.  This year, my best friend's mom (and my mom's best friend) was given a number of months left.  This year, I have dealt with more of the unexpected than I ever cared to try, but I suppose it's not about that, is it?
I could easily call this a horrible year.  Easily.  But that's not what I'm going to do.
This year, I have gotten closer to my best friend.  This year, I told my love how long I've loved him.  This year, I was asked to prom for the first time (by my first love).  This year, my sister got a full ride to the honors program in her university.  This year, I've been on so many life-changing trips out of town.  This year, I have gotten to spend some time with Shelbs.  This year, Joseph and I started dating.  We put our lock on the gate near the lighthouse and threw the key into the water.  This year, Alex and I remain brother and sister.  I have discovered new music.  This year, I learned more about my God.
(I know I've left a lot out)
You see, God was orchestrating, despite heartache, fear, and misery.  That is beautiful.  It wasn't that my God came in right when I needed Him, it's that He was active the entire time.  He doesn't wait for my best year to enter the stage and do something miraculous, He is always doing something.  Whether it's shaping the person I am by having me deal with my sister being gone, or shaping my sister by her being gone.  It all happens.  It all works out.  And not just that, but hundreds of events taking place, and all the people whose lives are being changed every step of the way.  God has already used Rebekah's faithfulness to Him in college to save people.  God is moving.  God was holding 2016 the whole way through, and not one minuscule trouble or blessing in my timeline has escaped His purpose.
I can only imagine what He'll do in 2017.





(I'm posting this unedited, because I have no time-- sorry for mistakes x) )

I love you.
And, I suppose, that in itself is a poem.

God does not wait until your shining moment to change lives.

Something in the Middle

My two sisters,
On either side, breathing
How I've missed her
While the other is bleeding
Now it's her turn
One day I'll fix something
I'd get a lecture
"That's not your job," says she

My two sisters
Both I'll be keeping
My two sisters
Keep on believing
I've always watched her
They've always watched me
My two sisters
Neither one sleeping

Frame

I take out a picture of us and I stare at it
Who am I kidding?
You probably ain't hearing this





NF

Am I good at my smile?
Yours is all I can see
If you don't miss the good old days,
At least try to miss me