Unspoken

And like an unfinished conversation
There's always more I want to say
But time will always flee from us
And soon enough we part our ways

Consistency

Fighting for consistency
She'll look up into your eyes
"Always?"
She'll ask

And that's where they'll
Stop short
Always?
They're not sure

Flight

I'll be writing about it for centuries

Again and again on this blog

A thousand journal entries

Memories written in my thoughts

Failing Words, Except Two

And if she tried to describe it

She wouldn't ever find the words

To just fly for a while

Apart from the rest of the world

A chance to breathe

A sigh of relief

Her heart to sing

Of all the things

That she would keep

In her heart,

All buried deep

And at the end of the night

Up there in her room

She found and read a note,

And said, "No, thank you."

Second star to the right
We jumped up to take flight
To leave it all behind
If only for a night

Uncertain

There's a sickness going 'round
I think it's called uncertainty
And I could be wrong
But it might be hurting me
Perhaps, maybe it's when
You're just not sure of things
Like a sickness going 'round
Called uncertainty

Horizon.

The skyline's forming words now
And it's spelling something
Speaking to you somehow
It tells you you're not nothing

Oh No

Oh no, I'm yelling again
My self destruct
When I'm under this stress

And I feel the tears on my cheeks
Oh no, I know
They'll know that I'm weak

When I keep it all inside
Then it comes out
When the time isn't right

And I feel the tears on my cheeks
Oh no, they'll know
Can't know that I'm weak

I'm stuck, don't know what to say
I hit my knees,
"God take this away."

And I feel the tears on my cheeks
Let go, let go
I know that I'm weak

And now I know that you see
I've told, I've shown
You know that I'm weak



(9/23/14)

No Hard Feelings

I don't know where you are
Or if you remember me
But I remember you
And I've been wondering

Did you mean the things you said?
It's okay if you did
But you maybe didn't know
You hurt that little kid

It would've been easier to forgive
If you had said sorry
But I know you were for yourself
And not just against me

I hope you're doing well
Really, I truly do
Not sure if you knew this
But I'm happy now; I grew

Your knives cut into me
But I found good friends, and healing
You're not here, but all is well
It's all good-- no hard feelings.

Dusk

The glowing orb of sun
Has made the decision to set
The colors shoot through the clouds
For it hasn't gone down yet

Light sprinkles from the sky
And falls onto the street
Like shattered diamonds
Sparkling on concrete

Defiance.

A face in the crowd
But the crowd has no face

A light in the crowd
That doesn't see grace

Brave as you are
Bold as they come

Made it this far
Saving someone

Life in your hand
All your morality

You make your stand
Against reality

How frustrating
And so degrading
His time, we're wasting
As time will fly by
And the sky will cry
As light is fading
And He is waiting
Oh so patiently
While we repeat the same routine
As we will please comfortability



(Isle of Flightless Birds by Twenty-One Pilots)

Filling My Lungs

God is my strength
All of these days

Found I was found
I nearly drowned

That water was
Filling my lungs

Time after time
Rhyme after rhyme

I nearly drowned
He pulled me out

Chasing Stars

Chasing stars
In our cars
Swearing we're the generation
Up ahead
We don't see death
We'll be the ones, we know
Everything you know
Refuse to let it go
I was wrong
But so were you
All those things
We never knew
So many rules
Change your patterns
It's what you do
Everything you thought was there
But you built your castle on thin air
Tell them that I'm sorry
There are risks we all have to take
Mine are the ones no one else will
Those apologies I have to make
We all make
Those mistakes
But we're now forgiven because blood has been spilled
Our buckets of grace empty
But now they're filled
We are the ones
We are the generation

On Her Way

For now it's alright
Just wait and hold tight
I'll be here singing,
Singing you goodnight

Autumn's on its way
To welcome your stay
And I'll be here still,
I don't mind the wait

All the things we'll do
The life of me and you
I'll be with you, darling,
I think I always knew

I've been here forever
I thought it would be never
I'll cry with relief,
My doubts have been severed

It's still alright
Just wait and hold tight
I'll be here singing,
Singing you goodnight

Chapter 1

      Okay, so I was challenged by this one goon I know to just start writing a story on here. :)P You know, one of those stories where you start typing and have no idea what you're doing, but just keep making it up as you go along. My story will probably end up having no plot, but that's okay. I'll do it anyway. :) But I can't think of a title, so whatever. And I apologize ahead of time for all the spelling and grammar mistakes I make-- I'm not entirely sure I'll be proofreading it as I write it.
Here goes!




      I own this pair of yellow Converse high tops. Despite the fact that they're just shoes, they're my second most prized possession. They were a gift from my mom and dad before they were killed in a car accident last year. Yeah, I know you probably don't care about that yet, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.
      Now I live with my uncle, Uncle Adam, whom I love to death. However, he's out every day looking for a job after being fired from a harsh company I don't know much about. He's not a bad person, he's just unlucky. He doesn't tell me much, but at least he listens.
      Back to the present, I glance at the alarm clock on my bedside table while I tighten the laces on my yellow Converse. I'm all ready now, but I still have a good ten minutes before the bus comes.
      Hopping back to my feet, I grab the backpack from my bed and swing it over my shoulder, then proceed to stare at my clean room. It's large, the one benefit of having a brother in college, and probably the biggest room in the house. Uncle Adam insisted that he has enough space in his own. Although my bedroom doesn't have much in it, the window is my favorite part. It faces my front yard, and at night I can usually see the moon through it pretty well.
      But the moon's not out now. I turn and exit the room, and cross the hallway outside, ignoring the pictures on the walls of a happy family with all the members still alive and together. The rest of the house is tidy and vacant, as always.
      I lock the front door behind me when I walk outside, and stroll down to the sidewalk where the bus will pull up. Pulling my hand from out of my skinny jeans pocket, I look at my watch. Six minutes.
      There's a path about half a mile down the sidewalk that leads into the woods, and my eyes can't help but follow down the sidewalk as far as I can see. The path isn't visible, but my mind paints it there. Trees all around, flourishing with vibrant leaves. Hedges of greenery behaving like rails on either side of it, as if to guide you to your certain destination. I'm not sure why there aren't many people who walk down it. Maybe their destination just doesn't satisfy them.
      But my destination satisfies me just fine. There's an opening torn in the bushes, as if it was made for me to leave the path and go find my own. And I have found my own. It's my secret.
      The sound of the bus approaching is what makes me realize my eyes are closed. I quickly open them, and step onto the vehicle.
      "Good morning, Miss Hadley," says Mr. Hughes, the bus driver, and also the only person who remembers my name.
      "Good morning," I reply with a smile, and take a seat.

      The bus ride is uneventful, as usual. The loud, "cool" kids shout to each other and laugh, telling stories about the football game and daring each other with sarcasm. Almost everyone else is on his/her phone.
      When we get to the high school, I rush into the classroom, just a little bit early. It's better than being late. The rest of the day passes like this; I walk from one class to another, listening and taking notes and avoiding people. Lunch comes and goes, and more classes.
      Eventually, it all ends, and I've made it through the day without having to deal with the jerks who usually pick on me. A sigh of relief escapes from my mouth as I leave the high school.
      Suddenly, there is less weight on my head and my dark brown hair blows to the left. Gavin
Turnell, my not-favorite person on this planet, has taken my snap-back. He's running off now, waving it around in a mocking behavior.
      "Gavin!" I yell. "Give it back!" It would be funny if he didn't hate me, and also if I knew he would give it back. Knowing Gavin, he won't.
      With a groan, I decide to run after him. He dances around like an idiot as I descend the concrete steps.
      My hands reach for it, but he's just a bit taller than me, and keeps moving it around.
      "Come on, Gavin. Now!" I shout.
      He chuckles, clearly enjoying this.
      "Come on Hadley! You can get it-- just keep reaching!" he teases.
      Another arm comes from nowhere, snatching the hat from his grasp, and I turn to see Logan, whose dark hair sticks out of the beanie he wears. I don't know his last name, but he's one of those funny kids everyone laughs at in school. I'm pretty sure he's nice. I've not really talked to him, though, and I'd like to keep it that way. Call me antisocial, but I've got my reasons.
      Logan sets the hat back on my head.
      "Really?" Gavin says. "You just had to ruin the fun?"
      "It didn't look like she was having fun," he responded.
      "Thanks," I say to Logan, and quickly leave the two of them. I probably should be more friendly, but I don't really like the fact that he had to get my snap-back for me. I can stand up for myself, and Gavin needs to know that.
      I pull my hat back off and run my hand through my thick hair, sighing heavily. And that, I tell myself, is why you don't make friends. This thought just comes into my mind, and it frustrates me even more, because I'm making a constant choice of avoiding people. So how is it possible for me to care about friendships? It's not. I don't know why I thought that.
      I decide to walk home. It will take a whole lot longer, but I've had enough to do with people for the day, and the school bus is teeming with them.

      Uncle Adam isn't home when I arrive, which is no surprise. I dump my stuff in my room and hurry back outside. This is the moment I've been waiting for all day. If you've been bored, well, I have too. This is where the good part is-- for me, at least. That secret I was telling you about earlier? This is it.
      My yellow high tops carry me with speed as I run down the sidewalk. My heart is racing, and I have to hold my hat on my head. The locket around my neck bounces up and down, and my hair trails behind me as it blows in the wind.
      At last, I find the entrance to the path. The hedges on either side make an opening for me, welcoming me home as they always do. The trees overhead move back and forth slightly, and the leaves rustle in the wind. I smile and start down the path.
      This trail itself is so beautiful; it's completely isolated from buildings and streetlights and cars. Nature sounds all around, and birds don't cower when you walk by. Even if my secret didn't exist, I would love this path. However, I soon find the tear in the bushes that guide one along the path. It's like someone drove a motorcycle right through the hedges on the left. Or maybe took clippers to it or something.
      With a wide grin, I dash through the man-made exit off the path, and run through the trees, dodging branches and getting closer and closer to my secret. Leaves crackle underneath my feet. I love the sound. I love everything about this place.
      And finally, there it is.
      An old, full-length mirror a bit taller than me leans up against an oak tree. The frame of the mirror is intricately detailed, and vines crawl up the edges. It's lovely.
      Taking a deep breath, I step forward into the mirror, right through it, and when I open my eyes I'm in a literally different world.
      This is my secret.

The Inspired Inspire

He has known people who have died
He's felt the sorrow that comes with this life
He knows the battles that go on inside
And yet, still, he is willing to fight

He's hit his knees with tears in his eyes
People have left him without a goodbye
Sometimes he sits down just wondering why
And yet, still, he's glad to be alive

Things have gone wrong so many times
And finally, when they're starting to go right
It's only right to assume another storm will rise
But there is a difference I hope he sees tonight;
This time, someone will be by his side




(Wrote this last night.)

Unbroken Faith

Unwell, useless, rejecting fear
Shake my head, trying to clear
It's easy to forget me because I'm always here
Would they notice if I disappeared?
Sure they would, but the word is "replace"
After all, they could find a different face
Another person from another place
Emily is a common name
And no, this is not self-pity
It is simply reality
The ground beneath my feet
Is moving endlessly
But if I slip I know where I'll fall
If there are no arms to catch me at all
Then I will land back on that Rock
Who always hears me when I call

Opening of the Sky

The gray in the sky was beautiful. It wasn't the kind of gray that usually comes with a storm; it was the kind that is noticeable enough to be there, yet not blocking out every other color. Separate cloud masses were still identifiable, and the confident blue in between them was definitely still there, reassuring one that there was still an atmosphere behind the rolling grays.
This was a sight she'd missed.
Hair in that ponytail, she rushed into the downpour. She laughed, gazing up into the sky. That beautiful gray.
Droplets of water fell down her arms, streaking her skin with the tears of the air. But she felt these tears. Not tears of sorrow, but tears of what was almost relief. Just letting it go. Tears of confusion, but trust.
No one else was outside if course, but there she was, standing on the sidewalk in the front of her house. Right in the middle of the rain. And she danced, singing quietly to herself. She splashed in the puddles, walked in the street. She pulled flimsy branches of her trees to splash the water from them onto herself, and laughed again when it worked.

Rain down on me
Please, rain on me
Because I'm worried about things I shouldn't be
And I 
Just want to be clean

Rain down on me,
Please, pretty please
I feel like a kid again, and now I can see
That I
Just want to be free

Rain, rain, rain down I pray
If as long as it rains I can stay this age
I didn't think it would rain today
And now I don't want it to go away

Dancing alone, she remembered that soon she wouldn't be. And full of hope, she looked to the street. Maybe he would come driving down, just like he did last night. Maybe.
But no, not yet.

Not just yet.

Oh, did you think I was broken?
My apologies, but you were dreadfully wrong.

I'm not.

Hopelessly full
Of the thing I felt
The thing I feel
It's always there
It's always real
Wounds have come
But wounds can heal
I cannot describe
This thing I feel

Somebody make me feel alive and
Shatter me


("Shatter Me" by Lindsey Stirling feat. Lzzy Hale)

A Soft Melody

That girl named Grace
Puts a smile on my face
Not only because she's beautiful, no
But because she decides to stay

Sometimes her happiness flies away
The sun disappears and it starts to rain
But her sliver of hope remains
And she dreams with her heart, inspiring me every day

Her struggles are hardly known
Worry, her worth, and being alone
And hopefully one day I can show
That girl named Grace all the ways that she glows

No, Grace, you're not on your own
I've told you before, but I'll say, don't let go
Don't give up on the heart this world broke
Not a tagalong, but a treasure that's much more than gold

Fast-Forward Button

The start of the week always drags
Can everything till Tuesday night
Go by super fast?
Convincing myself that I'll last
Waiting for school and the hard things to pass
Yeah, I'll be up late tonight
Trying and trying till I get it right
Won't go down without a fight
'Cause maybe someday it'll all be alright
I'm always trying to spare you these emotions
But once in a while I can no longer hold it
All in
There's this pit in the ground
And everybody around
Falls in
But not me
Not me,
Because this time I'll win.

Train of Thought

Here I am at this desk
Writing once again
And I'll say sorry now
'Cause sanity's running from my head
When I finally have time
I just can't find the rhymes
They come to me most when they shouldn't be on my mind
You might wanna jump off
This train of thought
'Cause the ticket you bought
I'm pretty sure did not
Mention the cost
Of reading words from a girl
Whose mind has been lost
And I lost it, I swear!
I've checked everywhere
I've looked over here
And I've searched over there
Sometimes my mood depends
On whether or not I brushed my teeth
'Cause sometimes I feel fresh
And others like I was raised in the street
You might wanna leave
Before I get too deep
If you called me insane,
I'd only agree
I'll take a rocket to the moon
To just be alone
Because I'm sick of all these people judging me
While they stare at their phones
But up there on my own
I think I'd start to groan
And maybe I would cry because
I'm so far from home
So therefore I'd
Decide to decide
That I'd take you with me,
If that would be alright
In fact-- I've got a better plan
Why not go to Neverland?
It's a dream we've both had
Since we learned that
Growing up is a card in
Reality's hand
We could get away
And will, in a way
In oh, let me think--
Thirteen more days?
If I'm doing math right
It has been a long night
I am losing my mind
And it's only half-past nine!
If Peter Pan had a horn
Like Susan from Narnia, or something of the sort
Then I am pretty sure
I'd know what it sounds like,
'Cause I've heard it before
I usually hear it several times a day
Which makes me so happy and they all look at me like I'm cray
In fact, I heard it a few times just now
Only, nobody's around
Which is kind of a good thing
'Cause I love listening to the sound
There are lanyards on my door
And when I'm sitting on the floor
I can read them better
And that's when the memories come forth
The names are all "Emily Grey"
But they've got so much more to say
So many different Emilys
Yet somehow they're the same
Like, "Hey, look! That Emily had shoes!
"Oh, wow, check it out. I totally still do."
And other Emilys wore that lanyard for a long time ago
Funny how God works
He loves to foreshadow
Yours is the story that hasn't been told
"What you've got is gold"
Your story I know
You know, I really despise
Ten o'clock at night
It's my least favorite time
Most don't know why
Don't be too full of sorrow,
I'll have to post this tomorrow
As you're reading this
It's already the next day
But as I'm writing this
You're still several hours away
So I can say, "Hey!"
And it'll be like traveling through time
Only not at all
(Told you I've lost my mind)
Do you wanna bet
This is my longest post yet?
If all of it you've read,
Then I apologize for what I've said
My brain is dead
It's out of my head
It's getting late
But not late enough
For me to be thinking like I
Am and was
This is my train of thought
It includes a lot of you
And a little bit
Of everything else, too
This is my train of thought
Now you've taken a look
Really I should've
Just written a book

Dear You,

If I cannot see you
And this is the only way to reach you
I'll write a thousand words
Even though I cannot hear you
And now I have a clear view
I want only to be near you
So I will keep on writing poems
And title them with "Dear You"

Back to Normal

The other night I had a dream where everything was back to normal.
I woke up, and for the first time in my life, I was glad that it wasn't real.


There was once a girl
Whom I've told you of before
Change destroyed her world
And reality slammed the door
She had had so many friends
That she loved with all her heart
But most things have to end
So they all grew apart
Inseparable wasn't a word
'Cause that's what they thought they'd been
They flew off like the birds
And left that girl to pretend
Inside there was a hole
In the shape of what she'd lost
It shot right through her soul
A line that reality crossed
And so alone she stayed
Wishing for them back
She and her father prayed
That friends she wouldn't lack
But it didn't take long
For her to figure out
That she did not belong
In any other crowd
Hope had flown away
Within a couple years
But still the very best days
Were the ones that hadn't yet appeared

A pool party at someone's house
Turned everything around.

Hero.

Do you see him?
There he goes.
I almost laugh,
Little does he know
That he is strong;
He won't let go.
Seems ordinary,
But he's a hero.

The Breeze

It came with the breeze
There are beautiful things
It's almost never as bad as it seems
Life's not a dream
But dreams there can be
And sometimes those dreams become reality

Sitting at my desk
I can just turn my head
To still see the pieces lying on my bed
But no longer I dread
The things I can't mend
And I've stopping trying with a needle and thread

Mountains you can't move
A life you didn't choose
Those nights you cry all alone in your room
You forget it's true
You're beautiful too
And God has you exactly where he wants you

Plot Twist!

Temperature drop.
Twist of the plot.
This isn't the character I thought I'd play in the story.

Plot twist.
That's quite fine with me.

Sometimes you keep asking the question because the answer's just not good enough.

Hold on.

The Thought That Counts

She has a bad day
Her skies turn to gray
And there's nothing I can say
That she'll listen to today

But that's why I'm glad
About that friend that she has
'Cause you make her laugh
When it seems that I can't

4 AM

At four a.m. I'm up again
Seemingly for no reason
Tell me, why does this happen?
Well, my dear, it all depends

At four a.m. I'm more awake
Than when I get up at eight
And now I most appreciate
The sleep I get when hours are late

At four a.m. I'm up again
Because last night just had to end
And in these hours it all depends
But at four a.m. you're still my friend

Maybe it's because I cannot dream
Maybe it's because the life of me
Is better than it could ever be
If I closed my eyes and fell asleep

At four a.m. thoughts go to you
As somehow they just always do
And honestly, you know the truth?
(I like these hours better when I think of you)

At four a.m. thoughts turn to war
And what on earth we're fighting for
The guns of our minds and our spiritual swords
Are they fighting each other, or something more?

At four a.m. I'm getting deep
And although my pen doesn't wanna leave
I think that I should get some sleep
Well, if my head is nice to me...

Green Folder

There's a green folder sitting on my desk
I have many folders, but this one isn't like the rest
Inside is the heart my mother had when she was my age
Sorrow, love, and wisdom written on each page
She never told me that she once wrote poetry
And when I consume the poems, I find she was just like me
I've always wished that I could meet her thirty years ago
I've always wondered what she thought of, well at last I know
These days she is so busy, but now I know it best
She's still that thoughtful girl inside the folder on my desk

The Memory of Holly

I've said this all before
And I'm sure, so have you
But you can't take one for granted
They just might disappear from view

I'm not trying to scare you
Please don't be afraid
I'm just telling you not to
Make mistakes I've made

Once I had a friend
When I was very young
We were peas in a pod
But that wasn't enough

'Cause one day she was gone
With parents who separate
I never said goodbye
Before she moved away

I remember it so well--
The first time I felt real loss
So don't take them for granted
'Cause you never know the cost

But it's always the best day ever when I see you
Still, I'll get back to a mess and won't know what to do
Here's the story of a girl that would cry in her room
But let's say she didn't post it on her blog, so nobody ever knew
There was a beautiful sky, but sometimes it just wasn't blue
And in the background, "Happy birthday to you,
"Happy birthday to you."

Fifteen Years Young

Another year now called the past
And although most would probably say, "At last!"
I must admit time flies too fast
Fifteen, I cannot look back

"I know the best people in the world," she said to her older sister, the words accompanied by a joyous laugh.

And she was right.
Not perfect people, but the best.

Note

There was once a little girl, and she didn't have the ability of expressing herself at the times she needed to most. And so one day she left a note where she hoped it would be seen.

Words fail me

As they always have

And I have never told you enough

So let me simply tell you this:

You are my happy thought.

Thank you.

Just Like You

It's funny because it seems like
People speak of a girl, Emily, to me
And they think I've got everything down
Because I know what tune I sing

And I'm still so confused
Though I know my spirit's song
So if you think I've got this figured out,
I can tell you that you're wrong

For A Long Time Ago

For a long time ago
Nobody knew me, and
I'm not sure they wanted to
But I wouldn't let them

And when I saw you
My heart urged me on
But that wasn't possible
So I shut it in a box

And then I decided to
Stay in the background
Keeping my distance
Shadows my home now

For a long time ago
My world was very pretty
But I never let anyone in
So it was always empty

Shut up in my room alone
I never said a word
I couldn't bring myself to speak
So I would not be heard

And then I decided to
Stay in the background
Keeping my distance
Shadows my home now

I did my best to
Keep my distance
Hoping no one
Ever listened
To my heart as
It kept wishing
Because even
Inside that box
I think my heart had
Picked the lock
And it came out
Just dreaming on
I shut it up
Again so soon
Swearing I'd be
Like the moon--
One part hidden:
My melody's tune.


Then not too long ago
I took it back out
And showed my world to other people
Let them look around

And then I decided to
Take a breath and step down
From the moon I had been
These people were my home now.

U si vwkuwcw U xeXjws tiye xisw. 

Riks tiy U qA fiis R xisw qiesa.

No Lie

Yes, yes.
The answer is yes.
When it was said,
I said it best,
You're not like the rest,
So my answer is yes.