But when she took her makeup off
I couldn't help but notice
How beautiful she was without it.
I would have told her, but I've told her before
And she never believed me.
Years of words of stupid people
Trying to feel better about themselves
Have stolen her trust from me.
Because when I tell her what I think
My pretty words are no match for the dark ones
She has heard all her life from others
As well as herself.
So people from her past have taken her belief
And left me with almost nothing
Trying to hold onto
A friend who's fading away.

semi-aloud

He's bouncing around all the walls in my head

It might be a tad better if I was just dead

No, don't get all worried, calm yourself down

This is just my mind speaking semi-aloud

I know it's selfish to wonder whether or not I've ever changed someone's life

But when someone like me has a mind like a knife 

You end up searching for meaning and losing it again

So it's hard to be strong when nothing ever makes sense

I made a shocking discovery that maybe I'm not who I wanna be

I wanted to be so different, maybe a loser, but so that everyone could see

That I wasn't the same, at least I wasn't the same

But I can't tell anymore, and there's no one to blame

*deep breath*

If I wasn't at church this morning, that little girl would have stayed crying in the hallway

Rather than coming into the classroom

Maybe she would have gone in anyway

But whatever, I'll try to count it on my list of differences

There's one

And I am never singular
I was born a pair to walk alone
The mirror shows the things I'm not
But he helps me feel at home




Radical Face

I just listen to the same two songs over and over again
I don't really know why
I have so much to say, but I never say it
That's not a good thing, right?

It's a strange thing to say my sister's on the other side of the world
Anything could go wrong
But the only thing that I can do is pray
Kind of like the life I have ahead of me

What's even stranger to say is that I don't really miss her
She's always gone anyway
But the days are weird
I spend most of my time trying to process them

Maybe I should have accomplished more by now
People hear my voice, but does anyone listen
Here's another line
I wonder if I make a difference

Sun

There she was faithfully, every morning
And the sad thing is, I think I'm the only one who cared
Asked if the little boy would make it to the after party
And the sad thing is, he wasn't there

I wonder how many stories
We pass by every day
I wonder how many miracles
Are chances we don't take

Because in another life
I never sat next to you on the stone
I found myself too shy
And let you sit alone

Would we have found our way?
Or would we break our hearts
Because you couldn't find the words
And I was too scared to fall apart?

Because you are my miracle
And I was the chance that you took
So I can ponder another life
But we'll never even get a look

We laugh under the sun
And blister our feet
Remember again
Every year for a week


Tonight, my heart's the only thing that doesn't hurt

Sound Asleep -- redo

(This one flows better)


You miss one hundred percent of all the shots you never take
But save one hundred percent of all the hearts you never break
I think we're at the point where I no longer should be fake
Hope's hard to hold onto, but even harder to make
Do I see a light at the end of this tunnel?
Yes, of course, I always do
But I feel the stinging smart of what I'll lose on the way
Or, instead of saying "what" I think I should be saying "who"
I don't wanna hurt anyone, but they walk away regardless
So I keep on moving forward and try my best not to look heartless
People say that I don't care, but people never know the truth
Staring at the wall behind me, ignorance is all they choose
But in order to survive, I have to walk away sometimes
Couldn't look you in the eye, had to tell you I was fine
But no one will ever even call me "brave" for that, and why?
Because "brave" is a funny word that we have misused over time
They say brave is when you conquer demons, where everybody knows
While that's true, bravery's also knowing when you must let go
And I'm trying not to hear a million cries around me
Because I can't be your superhero, I have fear enough to drown me
So when something's wrong, and she won't say a word all night
I turn and force a smile and tell myself that I'm alright
You can't fix everyone, all you can ever do is try
I only need two hands to hold my chin up high
Last night I had a dream where blood was coming from my ears
I was in trouble, but the irony is that no one else could hear
Sometimes I list the people that I'm positive still love me
Because if I live in my head too long, the hurt will always numb me
I don't like telling people that I still worry about her
Because they look at me like I've been crowned the queen of all absurd
"Why are you holding on to this, why can't you let go?"
"You think that I want this, you think I even know?"
Oh well.
I'm on my eight thousand, nine hundred, thirty-first sheep
The worst part is waiting to actually fall asleep

There are many things in life that I love, but what I really love is making my mom laugh.

Play me a song,
I don't wanna go to bed
Got too many thoughts,
Replaying moments in my head
Play me a song,
I don't wanna go to sleep
I'd rather think about how delicate life is
Or anticipate next week
Oh, things are growing
There's no denying that
Not that anyone would
It's a pretty welcomed fact
Things are different
Because she writes more letters
I'm praying more prayers
My sister takes more pictures
Times have really changed
I see it in my friends
I see it in the sky
And find that I've changed with them
Let's hope it's for the better
Tell me if it is when you play me a song
I'll be waiting here in bed
Exhausted, I've been awake too long

Better Than Okay

I feel like I'm crying,
But no tears come
This isn't normal
This is utter joy for once

On my knees by my bedside
Completely amazed
How many blessings
Can come in one day?

Go away

Maybe I should fill the silence
But there's not much I can say
You underestimate what I'd do
To make your demons go away

I wanna promise we'll take to the sky
But I can't seem to make myself
I keep the terrors all inside
So I don't break anyone else

If I tell you things will get better
There's a three percent chance you'd believe
One for my sake, one for yours
And the third is the hope that's up your sleeve

Here's where we see that I've got nothing
Here's where my lifeline's longer than my dreams
I've found tricky situations and twenty heartaches
But my biggest burdens are ones that don't belong to me

Maybe I should fill the silence

But there's not much I can say

You underestimate what I'd do

To make your demons go away

Trail Mix

Things are changing

I see it in their eyes, caught it in her smile

It's like living a dream

And knowing I'll wake up in a little while

Dad calls during school hours

Just to check up on me when he's away

The days are rough at his work

That, and he wants to know I'm okay

Rebekah opens the door to my room

Interrupting my midnight puppet show with my brothers

She puts her pillow and blanket on the floor

And we all tell jokes, one after another

Dad's been telling us he loves us more than he used to do

Because everything goes away, I guess

Isaac brings me a bowl of cereal

When it takes me too long to get out of bed

Ethan takes walks by himself

Just to give him time to think

Rebekah hugs me out of nowhere

'Cause she'll be gone before I can blink

Everything goes away

Isaac slid a note underneath my door

When I was sobbing in my room on Sunday

He made me a bowl of trail mix

Maybe it's 'cause he's afraid I'll go away

I watch her fade

But there's nothing I can say

I'm not close enough,

I'm not close enough

It's like everyone knows the plot twist to my story

And their lips are sealed, but they look at me

Knowing my fate, saying something with their eyes

Something I always fail to read

One boy's dreams 

And another boy's theories

But theories aren't enough

So they all sound like me

Just barely reaching the surface

I was almost something

Think I almost had it

But everything is changing

I take the trash out in the rain

Everything will go away

Slow Songs

I think I might have slept on my neck wrong
Because it aches and throws a fit
Every time I try to turn it

I think I might have slept on my heart wrong
Because it hurts a little bit
Every time I think of him

I'm glad that slow songs don't last forever
'Cause if so, I'd be a sad soul last night
I wish that slow songs lasted forever
'Cause if so, I'd be in your arms tonight