contacts

At the beach house
I closed my eyes and saw the ocean
Searching for a wave to catch with my brother
As the water poured over me in the shower

And here I am
Reading a month-old post from my sister
Because it's all that I've got from her
I close my eyes and see moments like the beach
I try to catch them

She writes about
How people wake up with or without purpose
And I picture us at church in worship
She raises her arms and worships and breathes
I raise my arms and worship and try to believe

I'm getting there
My God is patient and I'm struggling
Holding on to things He tells me
Jesus never tires from fighting

I close my eyes
Think of a girl who used to love me
In a world where I was happy
I don't want that to be how Jesus sees me
Give me joy and help me see things


Because I believe

Virgo

I know that I'm not getting you back
Your're running through some dimension elsewhere
And like me, maybe the dimension gets too attached
Then you just become a memory

I'm losing my mind on a Wednesday afternoon
I'm retracing every step I took
Because you slipped through my hands and I think I know how
But I don't want to believe it, I don't want to believe

And how did this lead to so much?
She was right about Atlas
And it just piled on until I'm holding the whole world
Not because I have to but because I can't seem to let go

I'm sorry for screaming so loud but I can't hear my voice
I'm replaying funerals and breakups and I swear I cannot stop
There was some sort of error in my head when I was trying to process it
And everything explodes and boils over until I realize I've been in the shower for forty-three minutes just staring at the wall

Where did you go?




Where did I go?

"Kitchens are too small."

She comes home beaming at a quarter to nine
She eats leftovers and honeydew melon and puts on a song
She jumps around the kitchen, dancing and smiling
After leading dance worship for kids this morning, and working all day--
I almost ask her how she does it, but I answer my own question
It's because she is worshipping the same God she was worshipping this morning

The song ends, but she forbids it, and puts it on repeat
She tells me the mountains are moving, and she gets to be part of it
She tells me about future church plants, and how she gets to be involved
She sounds so shocked, so grateful, so honored to be part of this
But I guess I always knew she would change the world
And I always knew she would change lives