Third Place

I used to be able to grab a pen
And pour out the contents inside of my head
I used to be able to grab a sheet from this blog
And communicate all of the things that were wrong
I used to be able to go on and on
I used to go on and on..
Today, I'm feeling a lot bit in my head
And so I am going to try this again.
First thing's first,
There's always her
Underlying in
Every word
She remains unnamed
But remains all the same
Is this guilt,
Or is this blame?
Then there's the other one
Her, I call mine
My "little punk girl"
Used to be here all the time
But I guess that's the point
She's not my little girl
She's my older sister
And a huge part of my world
And she's going away
But she asked me today
I was pulled aside by an INTJ
And she asked if I was okay
Wow.
I might have looked surprised
She said she wasn't blind
I'm almost too ashamed to admit
That's exactly what she was in my mind
You see, I'm getting older too
And I still don't know what I want to do
Believe me, friend, I've thought it through
But it never works how I want it to
I'm undecided endlessly
And I guess it's showing
Mom says take one step at a time
But I don't know where I'm going
And everything is symbolic to me
I'm a little too thoughtful, a little too deep
Like how I watch the bathroom towels
Fall straight onto the floor
Though I keep putting them back up
And to me it means much more
And how the pages right before me
Keep blowing to the other end
Thin and quite unsure of themselves
But you reach and keep fixing them
Or how I don't want to stay in the game
Because second place is worst
And you try to help me keep my place
'Cause though I don't, you have faith I'll get first
A friend of mine is also on my mind
I try to find words for her every time
Because I hear her when she says,
"If I wake up, then I'll pretend
"I didn't hear those screams again."
I, myself, understand that language
Despite popular belief
I've understood a thousand tongues
Because of all the ones I speak
Some of them don't see it, though
Maybe I just don't let it show
Envious of the good girl
Jealous of the perfect world
But I can tell you now, my friend
That perfect life is in your head
Her castle isn't on the ground
It's in her head and in the clouds
And yet, people mean too much to me
I can't find a balance
Between telling them what's right and what's not
And accepting them for who they are
I can't make anyone feel how I'm feeling
Thank goodness for that, but it leaves no room for understanding
So I quietly put my troubles in songs
Because if there's pain involved
Then they'll sing along
And then maybe my trouble will stop.
Wrong.
My heart beat faster as I ran farther
But this is something that I have to face
It doesn't work like that, but I keep waking up
With the hope for another new day
But I fail myself when I fail them
Oh, heaven forbid me let down my friends
To wipe away her silky tears
They leave black smudges around her eyes
I hope she knows I really tried
Every day I hit a point where I break for my room
I can't let my brothers see me blow stability a kiss
And then I break down, sobbing into my pillow
Saying, "I cannot keep doing this."
It's too much for me
It's too much for you
It's too much after all
That my God's pulled me through
A shattered person is all I see
Mirror me, mirror me
Her lungs are scarred and she can't breathe
Mirror me, oh mirror me
I run until I'm caught
I'm fine until I'm not
I smile until I stop
I fly until I drop
They're busy with her
I'm busy with them
The broken, beautiful people
That I still call my friends
She stopped pouring her heart out to me
When she found I couldn't fix her
And they all think I have it better
But they're still my friends, of that I'm sure
Everything's going so fast
I can't take it all in
So I'm left in the corner
Trying to process all this
It comes out in sick rhymes
Till I've got nothing else
There's no space in my mind
Anymore for myself
So squeezing my eyes shut
My strangled voice with one thing left to say..

There is power in the name of Jesus
To break every chain, break every chain, break every

Chain.