Intentions

I was once told,
"We judge others by their actions,
"And ourselves by our intentions."
I can't help but wonder how I've acted
I can't help but wonder her intentions
I guess the funny part is,
I still love her.
When I see her, my heart is flooded with emotions
My mind with thoughts
And a lot of it is painful-- most of it, probably
But there is always love
And love there will always be
I fall in love with people hopelessly
It's a blessing to others, a curse for me
Love causes vulnerability
I'm always discovering new colors I bleed
I always wonder what I did, though
I try not to beat myself up, but I just gotta know
Did we lose touch,
Or did she lose it for us?

Why do kids stay up so late?
I wish people could see what my heart looks like
Because I judge myself by my intentions, and they don't
Doesn't really help that I don't say much
I thank God that He's helped me to overcome
My habit of staying up worrying that I'll lose my loved ones
To themselves, to a trigger that was pulled my the soul
But it still haunts me sometimes, like I can't let it go
I'd die to be stronger, you know?
I want to stretch my body over the chasm so that you can get across
But I know that if I do that, that means both of us will fall
Maybe you'd have a second and the mind to make the jump
But Jesus said don't do it, so I pray for both of us
All of us, for all our sakes
Because all of you are still awake

I wonder if people fall out of love
And if that's the case, was it there in the first place?
I guess that depends on your definition
It couldn't happen to me, I wasn't even able to let go of a crush
Not to mention I have a hard time leaving all kinds of relationships
If you fall in love..
Doesn't that mean you have to climb out?
What if you slipped and fell on solid ground,
And there was nothing to fall into?
It hurts my stomach
I spend too much time on the frontlines of these ponderings playing out in real life
Somtimes I squeeze my eyes shut and hold tight onto him
Trying not to let my heart become infected with other people's sorrows
He's my only sanity now and then
Although you'd never guess that by the way I lose my breath around him

I remembered the other day
About how she said she was no one's first
But that's not the point, is it?
The point is that I love her
It's about love, not priorities under extreme circumstances
I felt sorry, though
She lost what she did have looking at what she didn't
She gave me up because I wasn't quite enough
I just want her to be happy
No, I want her to know the love that comes from God
I only wish I knew that I played some part in that

Some things have lasted longer than I thought
And some things were taken from me sooner than I expected
The meaning of "home" hasn't changed for me this year
But the meaning of "friends" has
It's hard to love wholeheartedly when you only get half
I'm not talking of romance this time
I know it's not about me
I only wish they could see through my eyes
And I hope with all my heart that I didn't hurt anyone
Because Ashley was right, Ashley was right
I don't know how I've come across
And they don't know what's in my mind

What a pain it is, when all is through
To love those still who once loved you

Time.

Autumn is a comfort
Because as the leaves die
They take with them the parts of my life
Already gone, though still mused over
By my nostalgic mind

They fade into new colors
As my old pieces decompose
I realize how beautiful they were
Now that they're dying
And here I thought I took nothing for granted

Though don't mistake my innocence for ungratefulness
I wish for nothing but my moments back
But the leaves still fall to the ground
And as a wise person once told me,
"You can't outrun gravity."

They fold into reds and purples, yellows and browns
Giving me the visual of what I'm feeling
Helps me seem just a bit more sane
I'm not the only one who's changing

So we come at last to a girl
Telling her best friend about the dying leaves on a walk
To a brand new grocery store, in brand new weather
Brand new breaths of air, acorns crunch underneath their feet
Perhaps this is the beginning of the story

But we're all just kids
Nobody knows how to do this