I am not losing it
Just exasperated, see
She can talk to a youth group leader
But she won't talk to me
And a youth group leader
Will ask if she's okay
But the most I've ever gotten
Was a smiling, casual "hey"
It's like I've got "sister"
Tattooed on my head
Or, from other people
"A really sweet friend"
There are two, maybe three
Of the friends that I have
That would even notice
The world on my back
I'm sorry for being selfish
But I want them to care on a deeper level
Because she's always better
And I am just the rebel
I wear a watch when it doesn't match
But refuse to put on makeup
I wear what I want and don't care what they say
And have heard my emotions should shape up
Yet still I've changed so much
If twelve year-old me could see me now...
I hope she wouldn't be ashamed
I hope I haven't let her down
She'd stare at my "stylish" clothes
And observe my curly hair
If she saw him at my side
Then I think she'd really stare
"But you said you wouldn't do that,
"Now you've gone and fallen in love."
Then I'd take her by the hand,
"Dear, here's what you never thought of."
Then she'd come and spend the night
We'd play Pac-Man and build a fort
I'd brush her hair and then we'd giggle
And we'd chuckle and we'd snort
That's when she'd ask about him
"Is he your boyfriend, darn, already??"
"No freaking way, Emily."
"I guess that word's allowed at fifteen.."
Then I'd tell her about my best friend
How we're waiting for so long
I think she would be so proud
She might even call me strong
I would tell her all about
The way we call each other goon
And how he says that he's the Flash
And all the funny things he does
That would hit right home for her
"There's no WAY he's real," she'd say
And I'd tell her that those were my words
"There is no way, there is no way."
But best of all, I'd tell her
How much he loves the Lord
Then how he can play any instrument
And how she should see him on the court
I'd tell her all our inside jokes
How he's such a gentleman
How he asks if I'm okay
And his Marvel obsession
And lastly, that he's Peter
That he's really Peter Pan
Finally came to my window
And took me to Neverland
I'd tell her how much he is
The greatest friend I've had
She'd tilt her head and smile
"I guess he's not that bad."
We'd spend the next day together
I'd encourage her, help her on
She'd ask me if she loses faith at my age
And I'd tell her God still keeps it strong
She'd ask about my trials
I'd tell her that they're many
But to always remember that God
Is bigger than all and any
I guess that I don't wonder
What it would be like to meet her
I suppose I already know
Since I know what it's like to be her
But what's the meaning of all of this?
Is it just because I'm afraid of one six?
My heart is racing, I'll admit
Maybe that number's a little too big...
But God is waiting on the other side
He holds my hand and I match his stride
If this is a trial, I'll take my own advice
My God is bigger
My problems better think twice.
:)
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