Mute.

No one else is dealing with my demons
And yet I fight for validation
Block it out just for protection
Push it off til last confessions
Gosh, I don't know what I'm doing
Maybe I'm just barely hoping
That if I transform my petty angst into rhymes
Then maybe now it'll mean something
But they don't know what I mean
And words are not what they seem
When they're pathetically overused by others
A sentence is different to you and to me
But I get to a point where there's nothing left to write
Even though everything's still here
I've said all that I can say for now
And there's no one left to hear

Tonight

Maybe there's
A span in time when
We feel we're neither nor
Not wanting to go back again
And
Not wanting to go forward



Tyler Joseph

Closed

She doesn't understand
There's stuff I've got to block out
There's blood I've got to dry up
With the music I play

Yeah, that would bother me too
Someone trying to block stuff out
By playing the same songs on repeat
Every single day

I am not some sympathetic idiot who will tell you anything in order to make you feel okay.
I am strong enough to tell you that things will get better.

 I hope you realize she's my sister
And I will defend her until my dying breath

reaching

You ponder the tears

That would fall on your grave

Friend, you don't wanna die

You wanna be saved

If you're just a dream
Please don't wake me up

Lady Blue

Round and round we go
She won't stay dead



As Cities Burn

One.

I can play only one role in your life.
I cannot control other characters in your story.  I cannot make people pay more attention to you, or less, for that matter.  I cannot make them like you, respect you, or give you what you want.  I cannot fill the roles that should be filled, need to be filled in the future, or should have been filled a long time ago.  I cannot ensure that your friends won't stab you in the back.  I cannot make your siblings see your side.  I cannot force people to show up when you need them to.
I can play only one role in your life.
I am one heart, one voice, one set of eyes, one pair of hands, one character, one personality, one thought in your story.  And a thousand wishes to fill all the roles for you.
But I can fill only one.
There are people that want to use me to fill more roles than I'm able-- they expect me to be more than I am, to do more than I can.  A lot of the time it's simply because so many other people have failed to play the role they needed to in this person's life.
On the other side of this, there are some people for whom I wish I could be everyone.  Wish I could love them like their parents could, be there for them like three friends could, catch them like a lover could.  Heal them like God could.
It involves trust, this mess of mine.  Trust that God's timing is secure in other people's lives.  He will take care of them.  He is the hero.  I am not.
I will only fill one role.  I cannot be there for you always like I desperately want to.  I am not strong enough, not wise enough, not helpful enough, don't have enough time.  I am just one.
I. Am. Just. One.
I have a single role.  Whether I am the daughter, the classmate, the girl you pass in the street, the cousin, the babysitter, the funny kid, the person who threw your trash away, the girl you nerd out with about British TV shows, the sister, the best friend, the niece, the acquaintance you see once in a while, the counsellor, the lover, the person who understands you...
I will never be anyone's everything.  I only get one role to fill for every person I meet.  All I can do is fill it the best I possibly can.

Post about it on your blog, Emily, maybe that'll help.

The trunk of the car is open
I load it up with a cooler
You stand by the side
And both of us try to think
Of something to say

I'm fighting to get out the words
There's something inside us that hurts
But we've never spoken or heard
The other mouth speak of the worst

I'm trying to say it

"You can ask me anything you want. And I will answer you."

Mouth Shut

Stuck in a cycle of
Bad dreams
Faces I can't
Bear to see
Sets of eyes are
Killing me
I don't wanna
Go to sleep

Bullets and Birds

And I look across the lobby
(His mother is crying)
My mother is comforting his
The rest of my family left
I linger
(I avoid eye-contact)
He wanders through the people
I want to talk to him
(Almost)
To make sure he's okay
(He's not)
But I can't
(Could)
I wonder
And wonder
He has a grandfather who killed himself
Nine months ago
(Don't tell)
Never really
Looks okay
Still jokes around
Sounds familiar
Makes me think about the past few months
(Like camp)
Maybe I could have helped
(I turned him down)
I don't regret it
I just worry
Yet still I am
(Don't)
Prone to feel
(Be)
Guilt.
(Gone.)

head

Well, I don't have a song
But I have time
Too much
For once

Nothing to play
But maybe if I hold it
I'll feel better

Confidence..

All the stories I never wrote
Putting holes inside my boat

"Look at the sky."

The paper bells hanging from my ceiling fan
Look like Heaven when I open my eyes
I sigh
And thank God it wasn't real

Chasing your dreams since the violent fifth grade
Trying to believe in your silent own way



Mat Kearney 

Iron Glass

I keep telling you things will get better
But they won't.
I'll get better
I'll try harder
I'll be stronger
I'll go farther
All of it is up to me
With this level of effort,
I have to sleep


"After all these years, Emily... you're still trying to be enough?"

"Yep, I certainly am."

"Shhh," she comforted the baby softly.  "It's alright.  Just because big sister is crying, doesn't mean you have to cry too."

Again. Again. Again.

There is power in the name of Jesus
To break every chain,
Break every chain,
Break. Every. Chain.

He's only ten..

"What's that book about?"
"Oh, well, it's about these kids during the Reformation."
"Oh yeah? That's cool!" I say.
"Yeah."
...
"One of these characters reminds me of you kinda," he began.
"How so?"
"Well, he's Martin Luther's son, and he feels a lot of pressure, like people are expecting him to be as great as Martin Luther."
"That reminds you of me, huh?"
"Yeah-- well, I don't mean offense, but you know. Just because you feel like people expect too much from you."

Years

Waking up with my arm stretched over the floor 'neath my bed
Because in my dream I was (desperately) reaching for you
How strange that an arm could move based off of what's in your head
How strange that a heart acts on things that your head never knew

I'm

Random strikes of light remind me of what is true
But right now the ocean's blacker than black and the sky
Is, too

trying

I know I'll never understand you
But if you think for a moment you understand me..
Don't wanna be rude, just telling the truth
You just might have another thing coming
I had to climb over writer's block this time
There was a little too much to just keep inside
And wait for a spark or something to inspire
Had to go and do it myself, had to breathe my own fire
Just to talk about it on a page
The thousand and one things that keep me awake
Except I'm not
I've been sleeping better, in case you forgot
I wasn't doing too well, and even though I've still lost it
I sleep a bit better because daytime leaves me exhausted
But here I am still typing
Because fifty sides are fighting
And I am not just surviving
This time I am trying
I wanna be stronger than this
But I'm not, so I'm just gonna get over it
You keep pulling keep pushing keep getting up again
Endurance or not, friend or no friend
And yet I'm barely hanging on
Barely make it through each day
And every week there's something new
And there's nothing left to say
But believe it or not,
They aim it all at me sometimes
You think I'm making up my problems?
You think I have that much time?
One step before the next
Till I hit the note
Afraid to hope
But I don't wanna let go
My only faith is in what You see
I do not trust these human eyes
So I'm hoping for tomorrow
And I shut them, closing tight
I don't mean to rant
This isn't a song
There are things I'm still not saying
I'm just trying to hold on

my

Things are quiet
I'm still
Listening to a song about medicine
Reflecting again

You can still do
What You've said You can do
Just because I've run out of endurance
Doesn't mean You won't follow through

Air from my gut
Life from my blood
Mind from my skull
I keep trying to get up


I keep trying to get back up

best.

Here's a rhyme to all the kids
Who had to go and make a list
Of all the little reasons why
Reasons they should stay alive

Defining

I go to sleep every night
I should be good at it by now
But very lonely is tonight
And time stands still
So now
I try to picture you
With all the kingdom I can't find
Fighting gravity turning
With this little mind
I think I saw the kingdom
Get this feeling I must keep
Walking closer, crack the door
And then I fall asleep
'Cause every time I think I see your face
It fades away and turns to grey
Then I pray you save the day
Anyhow
I just pray someone hears me now



Hear Me Now -- Tyler Joseph