Yours truly.

Dear diary,
Today I realized that I listen to How to Save a Life every time it's on the radio
I can never change the station
It captures my mind too fast, I suppose
Dear younger Emily,
I've found myself wondering what I can change to make people love me
You never would have done that
You were always fine
Help me be fine again, I need to be fine again
Dear diary,
I pass the days with schoolwork
But I have good moments
You live for the morning walks and the weekends
The good grades on a few tests
Until your life has purpose again
I know that's no way of thinking, but I can't help it sometimes
Dear diary,
I walk carefully, tracing my fingers along the walls
As though I'd find his hand among them
Dear diary,
I can tell that Hope loves me
Even though I'm with Joseph
Because you don't take a picture with your Polaroid of a couple laughing together unless you love them
And if you would do that, you wouldn't take two pictures with your Polaroid of a couple laughing together unless you love them
Dear diary,
Amberlee sent a note through Rebekah to say that she missed me
And I don't know what to do, I've forgotten how to act when people care that much
Why must I always be this way?
Always either lonely or worrying that I won't be able to love someone well enough
Dear diary,
I've said it before,
I want to blame myself.
And so I do, often
I'm so tired of being mad at people
Because if you stick around long enough, you realize it's not anger
It's tears and it's pain
It's the sudden realization that the rose you love is the reason you're bleeding
Because she is so sweet, she is so beautiful, so you hug her to your chest
And her thorns poke holes in your heart
But no, we'll call it madness, and I'm tired of being mad
So I invert it
I don't want bitter feelings towards people, diary
And they fit perfectly in the holes left in my heart
So that's where I'll keep them
Dear diary,
I see faces yards away
But I know they're really miles out
I know they might be the only ones who understand me
But in the end, I've got to choose the ones who love me over the ones who understand me
Dear diary,
I'm getting tired of looking for God in the sky
Dear God,
I need help, I can't do this by myself
And my heart is crying and my head is screaming that I can't do this at all
But I'm not supposed to listen to my heart and head, I'm supposed to listen to You
So I'm still listening, even though I think I'm going deaf
I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying
I know You'll get me through, I trust You most of all
But it's my ears, God, they've just gotten bad
But maybe bad ears make good faith
I guess we'll see
I'm willing to wait
Dear diary,
This bit's about Baylie
One thing about her is that when she plays the guitar and sings,
She sings just so simply
Other voices join in, and she doesn't try to rise above them
Even though her voice is the most beautiful
She lets it drown among the others, but she doesn't stop singing
And she sings from her heart without getting louder than anyone else
She's there
Sometimes I get mad because people should realize how wonderful she is
They think she's "great," but great doesn't do her justice,
You can't just get away with saying that
She deserves better
But I've always said that, I suppose
Dear diary,
Since we're on the subject of people who deserve better,
I miss Rebekah.







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