Precious Metals pt. II

I had sleep paralysis again today
I had forgotten how terrifying it was
Try not to scream, calm down, calm down
But you've got to wake up, calm down, calm down
Clench your fists, squeeze your toes
Wake up your body, that's how it goes
I entered it after an awful dream
Where you were supposed to turn up
But you were nowhere to be seen
What's the point, what's the point?
I'm losing my mind
What's the point, what's the point?
Are we just running out of time?
I'm not sure I'd still believe in love by now,
If it weren't for you,
To be completely honest.
All I see are broken hearts and people bending the definitions of words like
Feeling
And love
How much feeling should be involved anyway?
Where do we start just making decisions?
When do we stay,
And when do we leave?
Did you ever love him at all?
And did you love him, or was it some dream?
How do you know?
When did you make a choice?
Where do we draw the line?
Does "the one" really exist?
As a very confused man once said,
"Maybe you want her,
"Maybe you need her,
"Maybe you started to compare
"To someone not there."
And how many "what if's" are we going to pull from each scenario?
My love, I'm afraid I would drown in these questions if it weren't for you
Because I don't see any clarity from anyone around me
We just run around in the dark
Giving advice and breaking each other's hearts
And to another love, that she cannot define
Well, friend, I look at that note all the time
I dusted off the picture on my desk of you and I
I remember on my birthday when you gave it to me
And I wonder if that was your way of saying goodbye
I wonder how much closure you feel on the subject
I wonder if you said "no hard feelings"
Or maybe you're mad at me
(I wish that you'd talk to me)
Because I stare at my ceiling at very late/early hours
I stare at the wall when I stand in the shower
I sit at my desk and I stare at our picture
If you feel closure, I wanna know
Maybe then I can let this all go
I just need to see that we're both moving on
(Did you ever love me, or did you just stop?)
People say "love" in weird ways these days
There's no black and white, they all fade into gray
But now that I think about it, I do see love a lot, and it's none of their definitions
My dad loves his stepmother by not holding her sins against her
My mom cried when she lost her dad, even though he never even cared about her
Rebekah hugs me after I've been yelling at the wall all day
She meets with girls who have lots of problems and she gives her time away
Baylie always talks to me, even though I don't have good advice
Joseph wants to know what's wrong, instead of settling for my crappy lies
Isaac offers me the rest of his favorite things to eat
Ethan and Rebekah go out for lunch, even though they used to fight for weeks
Mom makes me take medicine, even though I gripe about it 
Dad doesn't complain about work, even when people there are idiots
There are different kinds of love
But all of them have that in common
You pull through when it's hard
You accept even when you're not accepted
But love is hard, you can't expect everyone to notice
Which is why I've been wishing I was stronger than this
I don't want to have to matter to people at all
And I guess I've always wanted to just make some sort of a difference