wide eyes

I do not sleep tonight
Even though last night I slept three hours
Even though there are lines underneath my eyes
Even though
I'm in my own bed and I hear my own sounds
Once again
But tonight, I stare at the ceiling with frightened eyes
Much like a child afraid of heights
So I count the good things on my fingers
I try to chase the shadows away
But I cannot help but feel as though I am plunging into a gathered darkness
It doesn't even tug on my shirt because it knows
I'm slipping into it anyway
I touch my fingers and repeat the blessings
I turn on my flashlight and say it's the way out
Maybe no one can see that this is eating at me
Because some days I am brave and some days I forget
Still it drags me in, I will try harder than Tiger Lily
She was always so courageous
But I'm losing ground, these shoes have no traction
Though they climbed a mountain once