:')

Things were supposed to get better today, but they didn't
I hurry to my bed as I start to black out
And I lie there for a while, just lie there
Soon enough I'll take a trip to the bathroom
My hair is oily and unbrushed, my lips swollen and peeling
The only parts of me that even appear to be awake are my eyes,
Begging for an escape from the fragile body they are tied to
And my hands stay cold for hours after I wash them
I ask Mom for a blanket
Then another, then another
The time passes slowly
I check my watch
"No one's at the church yet, save the leaders and maybe Trey"
6:32
"A couple more kids"
6:43
"Maybe a few more"
I hear Dad calling from downstairs
"Are you going to Fuze, Emily?"
"No," I say, and I'm glad he can't see me, because
My eyes are tearing up

Why do I get so lonely?

Dad takes Isaac to Grapple, and I sob
7:14
They've probably started now
9:00
Maybe someone will text me
I distract myself for a while, I think
And after forever, I think I hear his voice outside
Nah
Prolly just Ethan
But there it is again, and it sounds less like Ethan
There's a knock, which raises my hopes, since Rebekah has a key
Maybe she was too lazy
But I rush downstairs anyhow, and almost trip over poor Scout
The door swings open, and it's him
Ethan
Just kidding, it's Joseph
(Way to ruin the romantic moment)
I can't believe he's here
He's very cute
But I haven't showered, I must smell terrible, don't get me started on my hair
That's when he pulls me into a hug
I list off the reasons why he shouldn't be hugging me while I'm taking in his warmth
(Why am I like that??)
But he tells me I'm the most beautiful girl in the world
And asks how much I've eaten, why am I not sleeping, etc.
With concern in his eyes
I'm pretty sure my breath is a graveyard
But I answer his questions
And he tells me not to be sick
He has to go all too soon, but he calls me on the phone
"You know, I really meant when I called you the most beautiful girl in the world."

And what did I do to deserve this kind of love?
Nothing.