Missing

Sometimes, when you're gone
It all feels unreal, unmade
But other times, it's painfully real
I can't focus on school
Words don't reach my mind
I can't eat my food
I don't sleep at night
And when I do,
I wake up at 4:05
Pull at my hair,
And try to imagine you by my side
I see you in every place you're not
I can't breathe because of
The space between us
And every scene is missing you
And it takes me hours to accomplish
A single, simple task
All my other thoughts are blurred
My stomach hurts
And I can't bring myself
To even climb out of my bed

But sometimes it doesn't feel real

And when you leave,

You slowly turn into an idea

Haunting my mind,

Telling me things were once better

Like an image in the back of my head

That I can't get rid of, and though I might deny it

The image determines most of what I do

But it's just a word I can't place

A happy thought I can't get to

And you bleed into my dreams

Over and over again

You're the hero in every movie I watch

You're the reason that I cry

When the plot twists and the lover dies

I think about the way I used to see you

How I couldn't get to you

No matter how much I wanted to

And on days like these, I feel the same way

 Like you're distant, like you couldn't stay

Like some things are too good to be true

I guess one of those things is you

And when I'm talking to other people

Certain words stand out

Certain facial expressions,

Some hugs, some jokes

Some references

And it's like I'm trying to piece together the dream I had last night

Because it was a really good dream that I need to write down

I just had it, I just had it

Slipping from my hands like sand

Daring me to keep believing

Whispering, things were better once

Even if I was only dreaming