I'm--

I thought that pulling my closet apart
And drawing out the memories
Would help and remind me of just who I am
But now I can't find Emily

The pictures surrounding me right now
They don't feel right at all
Is that me I see in the photo on the ground
And did I know I'd fall?

It's like my past threw up on me
And I remember that whole world
But it feels so distant now
And I don't know that girl

This was supposed to help me remember who I am
But I can't write and I can't speak and I do not understand
Who is she, how'd she survive, who is this person today?
Maybe this should all be gone, maybe it should blow away
I've been having strange dreams
And during daytime I'm seeing things
Why is nothing as it seems
Why's it so hard to believe
Also, why am I not crying?
Why am I not screaming out?
Why's it easy to keep smiling?
How am I so calm right now?
It's like I don't care about the things
I would've been thrilled about the other week
And my mask is scaring me
What's in the mirror that I see?
Am I slowly fading now
And am I okay with that?
Am I slowly freaking out
Am I under attack?
Am I really gonna drown
Or am I just out of whack?
Am I sinking to the ground
Six feet down
Don't know how
And all of these questions, all this doubt
Oh no, none of this was supposed to come out
I hoped that it was school
I hoped that it was school
I hoped that it was school
Gosh, I really hoped it was just school