Magnification

When I ask "How are you?" no one ever tells the truth
Well, except for you, because you always told me to
And you couldn't watch me do it alone, could you?

Dear Smile,

You leave me speechless nowadays
There's nothing I can find to say
You really take my breath away
You'll have to settle with "okay"
:)P

It.

Emotions are a maelstrom
And right now thoughts are worse
I tripped on what's behind me
Now I'm falling in head first
If I had a sailboat
I lost it long ago
Now it is taken over
And trying to get home
I hold on to a moment
Life changes when I blink
The thing about doing chores is
It gives me too much time to think
What if I don't wanna turn sixteen?
Is that my choice, or is it theirs?
This train keeps going faster
But maybe I'm not that scared
It might be fine, could be alright
If I were to tell you the truth
Because years come and go, and as we grow
Each year's another year closer to you
But she can't come to Anchorage now
And he can't go to Fuze
So now I'm wondering endlessly
And asking what I'll choose
I'm breathing eternally
But what does breathing do?
It just gives me another chance
To make a harder move
The bones were never broken
But all of us are hurt
'Cause this life's rated R for "ready"
And it looks like none of us were
The last three years
There was a drought of laughter
The last three years
Were worse than the ones after
It hurts so much
Because it mattered
'Cause the last two years
Hearts were shattered
Sometimes tears don't turn into laughs
Sometimes defense feels more like an attack
Sometimes your thought process won't leave the past
And sometimes a person will never come back
But I can't help anymore
Maybe it's a test
To see if I can trust the Lord
With all of my breaking friends
There's nothing I can do
There's nothing I can say
God, You're the only One
I hit my knees and pray
They tell me things I hear in their heads
It takes me too long to fall asleep
Those aren't my problems, put them back
And I hardly really eat
It's like I'm walking on a tightrope
And You're begging me to look up
But I can't stop staring at my feet
To make sure I don't mess up
You're still calling out to me
Because You know I'll get there
If I don't count on my own power
If my gaze is fixed in the air
But I'll stare at a problem
With nothing to say
'Cause there's no black and white
That why my last name's Grey
Tell me they're okay
Tell me I'm just fine
Say you understand me
Yeah freaking right.
There's hope out the window
I'm not gonna quit
I'm looking at You now
'Cause Jesus You're it

I could live these nights
A thousand times
Meeting eyes
And trading smiles

My world turned from sanity
In the dream I had last night
When I didn't know if I was yours
And lost what might have been mine

All is Well

Sometimes being alone is a nightmare
And I'd die for another breather of life
Another beating heart to calm my nerves
Because when I'm alone I can hear my mind

And the monsters aren't ever easily scared
They haunt me and I hear the screaming inside
As my heart pounds loudly and head pounds louder
Watching the dark as silence eats me alive

But tonight, being alone is a comfort
Though I long for your warmth next to me
The monsters are gone, and though war rages on
All is well, and my mind is at peace

The ceiling is kind and my pillows are sweet
The blanket is soft and the music is kind
Lovely memories replay in my head
And I thank God I get to call them mine

Today was a challenge and drained me of strength
But now my eyes are closing willingly
The air is gentle and my breaths are steady
Though I wish that you were here with me

Safe Place

But you,
You make me feel safe
And by your side I wanna stay
I find shelter in your name
And it doesn't go away

God gets all the glory for all of my life
But this in particular, is all His all the time
How much beauty He can bring from something
That I never thought would come to me

So thank you Lord for my safe place
But you will never be replaced
Thank you for the joy and race
That can come from seeing someone's face

gravity

Too many times I've fallen on my own sword
God is all I've got
Darling, hold onto the pieces of me that you've gathered
'Cause I'm afraid that I may not

And it hurts me to know that when I wake up in the morning
I'll beg the ceiling for a reason to get out of bed
Too many times I've fallen on my on sword
The sword that's in my own head

Blink.

It was like seeing a ghost
Three ghosts, to be exact
My stomach shifted inside
I couldn't really avoid eye contact

Please don't look too closely
I don't want you to see
The internal fights and sleepless nights
That have taken hold of me

Mental Novels

Words don't come so quickly
Because when I'm with you
Things already happen so fast
And time flies right on through

I'm sorry for the things I've never said
I'm sorry for the letters you've never read
Because they're the ones I've never sent
For all the times my voice just left

Or when I can't express myself
And tell you all the things I've felt
But stick this note upon your shelf:
There's never been anyone else
I've never had anyone else.

There's a World in Here

This window is so big
It swallows one of the walls
The other three drip with memories
And do their best to contain me

But they give me the space
To do all that I'd like
I can sing, and I can breathe
I can laugh and sketch and scream

Meanwhile my window watches
As I stare into the sunset
Or focus my eyes into the night sky
As soon as I turn out the light

These four walls get the front
They see me dance with endless joy
Giggling on the phone, telling friends they're not alone
And singing loud when there's nobody home

They hear me rant to God
All my sobbing at night
Telling people I'm there, sending up all my prayers
Crying to God how nobody else cares

When I'm still awake at two
And sit right up in bed
And I'm hugging my sides, and drying my eyes
Blindly talking to people who won't leave my mind

When I spin with an invisible partner
When I pretend to vomit at my writing
When there's paint on my hands, or they don't understand
Rereading letters or peeling new stamps

Whatever has happened
And whatever will
These are my walls, and they get it all
They keep standing when I rise and fall

God Gave me Her

She gives.


She gives.


She gives.

Sentimental, Semi-mental

Last year you ran with open arms
Last year time was frozen hard
And we made every moment ours
But now you watch with broken hearts
Last year you were flying free
Living life as meant to be
Now it seems we've cut too deep
Now you cry and run to me
What if I'd told you that life was so hard?
What if I'd told you he'd go breaking your heart?
What if I'd asked you not to wish on a star?
Would you have kept every love-forsaken part?

If there was a line, I may have crossed it

If I had a mind, I may have lost it

If my head is a jail, I may be the hostage

But here when I write, I'm a little too honest

You entered the scene just in time

To watch me crumble into oblivion

So when you reached for my hand

I may have kept slipping;

I may be a lost cause.

'Cause every shattered-hearted whisper

That screams, "They'll all forget me,"

Leaves me clutching my pillow at night

Crying, "I can't help you if you won't let me."

People ask me all the time what I'd say 

People ask me what I'd do 

But I'm too busy already thinking up questions 

That no one has the answers to

So when I look back through the past couple years

I think of things I could've said to save you from tears

Maybe they were the things you did not want to hear

And a litte girl trying to be an optimist wouldn't speak them so clear

Would you have me had warned you?

Because I already knew

If you were in my shoes

What would you do?

I take it too hard

I take it to heart

That the same voice I'm using

Couldn't stop broken hearts

And the voices I hear

Seem so far out of reach

And they never learn

'Cause I never teach

Which I've heard I'm not responsible for

But if you saw your friends all walk through a door

That led to a million-foot drop or more

Don't tell me that your feet would stay on the floor

Please don't ask me if this is what I'd wanted 

Because I'll choke on my breath

I don't know if I'd say yes.

There's so much behind us that's nailed to my heels

Meanwhile another boy chases what he feels

And she's always asking when it will be real

But he never keeps what he's destined to steal

Then there's her, broken, beautiful, I can't meet her eyes

And there's him, never lacking another diguise

And I can't get either one of them out of my mind

I can't get them out of my mind

And she's hurting from people that should've taught her to love

Another girl is at stake, though she's never thought of

The only hope I get anymore comes from above

And it's all that I need, but it hurts just too much

I guess that it's too much to let it all go

I guess that it's too much to let it all show

I chew on this trust, but I never swallow

I guess that it's too much to let it all go.

Point this in a direction, make it a silent auction 

The fault that no one wants is treated like a toxin

We step around it, jump over it, worry out of caution

But I've gotta have someone to blame, and I'm my only option.

The Dot

She's talking to them about getting older
Money for college, a car, and insurance
Getting a job and going away
I have to run upstairs 'cause I can't listen to this
Stress and tension fill every gap
I'm sorry dear parents, I can't handle that
Bills to pay and life plus tax
Getting good grades so you don't come last
They tell me I just have to love and have faith
And then shove the real world all up in my face
Good college, good money, good job, that's the way
To survive in this life full of love and strong faith
Help me break away, help me break away
I can't keep doing this every single day
It overwhelms me, and it's not mine to say
But it kills me inside that things happen this way
And they've got ideas, and they all know
But I haven't a clue of where I am to go
Is there a place for me other than the road?
Am I destined to wander my life on my own?
Now I'm losing my faith, and I'd say that it's scary
"Em, don't stress about college, or who you will marry,"
They say faith and love, that's where I should be staring
But everything they talk about's temporary 

Souvenirs.

Suddenly, it all went past

To me it never seems to last

Time will never slow me down

I'm growing up and don't know how

day two.

If I could fix people as easy as piers
I swear I would save you a million tears

Let's run another maze.