Noticing a thing

I am not a girl of comparison.  Most girls are taken by envy, I venture to say, but I am not.  I'm not bragging, either, I have my flaws.  Just stating honestly.  I hardly get jealous.


However, there is one person that I compare myself to consistently.  Just one.  It is my sister.  I know this, because on days that she is dressed simply and I look boss, it is better to be dressed simply.  Furthermore, on days that she looks boss and I am dressed simply, it is far better to look boss.  It is better to go all-out punk.  It is better to pick a style.  It is better to listen to older music.  It is better to do yoga.  It is better to babysit all the time to make money.  It is better to watch old movies and be cultured.  It is better to get a double piercing.  It is better to wear makeup.
Now, these things don't eat at me.  I just notice.  And I notice that I notice.  That's why I'm writing about it.  I don't think this is envy.  It's natural for teenage girls to compare themselves to others, so I know that just because I compare myself to my sister, that doesn't mean she is better than me.  I am utterly happy with who I am.  It just gets under my skin that she seems better to me.  My comparison never turns into jealousy and hatred, it turns into a deep admiration, and once in a while a slight wish to be more like that person.
I just had to write about it.