Never Here

I couldn't really feel then
What I'm feeling right now
I told you you could do it
Like I decided long ago

I couldn't really process
The fact that you were leaving
The fact that our goodbye was
Me just letting go

I told myself forever
I would be the strong one
Leaving it behind me
Holding my head high

I guess I broke my promise
When I went through the doorway
Then raced up the staircase
And in my closet, cried

So silently sobbing
Almost started yelling
But someone was over
So I choked on myself

Now that I could hold it
Now that I could grasp it
Now I see your face in
Everybody else

My sister had just told me
You've got thirty minutes
To pack up your backpack
Before we leave again

So I tried packing pieces
Of my tattered heart and
Put them in my backpack
And swore that it would end

I cupped some water in my
Hands and splashed it onto
My eyes to wash away the
Shimmering layer of tears

Won't tell them that it's easy
But they will never ask me
And if they ever ask you
I was never here