Resolve

I've been lying here too long
I want to be firm and resolved
I want to be determined every day
But I lack the effort, I'm afraid
It doesn't take too much to throw my mind again
I close my eyes and wander within my head
Maybe a symptom of depression, maybe I'm just weak
But when I don't understand, I don't want to try to think
It just hurts
And it's worse
That I have a billion things on my mind
So I'm caught here wasting time
Because I couldn't focus for that long after all
I can't name the chasm into which I fall
Call it anything you want
But I'm losing my train of thought
Someone keeps switching the tracks I'm speeding across
And all the evidence says it's me, but I'm lost
Because I don't remember where I came from
I think I know where I've got to get, but
I'm switching tracks too fast to get there somehow
And heaven knows where I am right now
I need resolve
I need to call
And get help from somewhere, I'm not getting it here
My train of thought is drowning in other people's tears
So I'm praying beneath the waves
Because I'm not the one who saves
"I know I need to trust You instead of staring dead-silent at the floor"
And really, that's all that I can say, 'cause I can't do this anymore