Count

So how many times are you gonna tell yourself it's just hormones?
Spend the days staring at the sky
Spend the nights staring at closed blinds
Spend your life staring at closed eyes
Because nobody sees things like I do
And the feeling never leaves me
That nobody really sees me
That no one really believes me
I pick up this sword over and over again
But it's getting a little too heavy
Like I'm scared that the blade would forget me
Like I've found I'm not actually ready
I just wanna be stronger than this
With at least some confidence
Because I stare at the future and say I can't
But inside I wonder if I could do it
My head tells me this should end
My heart says don't be like them
My mouth smiles and pretends
My eyes water over again
Several hours away, she's strong, almost fine
One, maybe two, and I break down and cry
I keep on moving through this life
I don't know how but I remember why
I'm not ready, I'm not ready
I tell Mom and I tell him
Trying and trying not to panic
And my calm is wearing thin
My feet keep dragging up the stairs
My shoulders hold too many cares
My thoughts as tangled as my hair
My tongue is quiet everywhere
Eyes are wide open
But I can't tell what I'm looking at
I know that I'll make it
But I want to do more than that