down.

But winds are blowing hard
And the tightrope beneath my feet sways
And I begin to think even the tears will make me lose balance
If they fall down from my face
I stretch out my arms and try to focus
Because these are winds no one can see
And my head looks steady as they make eye-contact
But nobody looks at my feet
At least storms are visible, but I can't see the wind
I just feel it whip my hair against my cheeks
It drives the tears across my temples
And cracks my lips until they bleed
But I can't see it, I can't see
I just know it hurts and pushes against me
Again and again I almost lose balance
Against something invisible and I can't breathe
It sends sentences like torpedoes
To catch me off my guard
To make their way through both ends of my chest
Plummet deep into my heart
And again I bite down on the words, "they don't need me"
I swallow them whole and don't let them out
That's a lie, that's a lie, that's a lie, that's a lie
Sing myself to sleep with a scream and a shout
I will not do that to myself
I write the lies on paper and watch them burn
But I do it again and again and again
As though I'll never actually learn
"They don't need me," and here you are again
I almost fall from the tightrope, gotta hold onto something
But I'm crying that I can't do it anymore
But I was doing so well, now it's crumbled to nothing
I can't, I can't, I can't, I cannot
I'm cutting my hands on the pieces of their shattered hearts
As I try to put them back together
Not to mention my own insides are falling apart
Don't ask me what's wrong, I hate hard questions
Be like the PSAT all inside my mind
My brain is tearing at the seams
The wind is too strong and I don't know why
I'm swinging back and forth on this rope
And I've found myself in too deep instead
Of where I thought I'd be about now
I am completely in over my head.
This will go one of two ways, I reason with myself
And I'm scared of the statistics, to be honest
It's out of my control, what have I gotten myself into?
I've made myself vulnerable, telling myself I've got this
Invisible wind, where did you come from?
My eyes once were ahead, but I'm miles above the ground
Bleeding tears and realistic fears
Jesus Christ, help me, because I'm looking down