Confusing Lines

Breathing
Keep on breathing
If I gasp
Is that called cheating?
"You're alive, your heart is beating.
"Your textbook's there, so keep on reading."
One day I'll talk back to myself
I'll pick her up by the hair,
Throw her on the shelf
I'll snap back at her, I will tell
Her she can leave, she never helps
I'll maybe kick her out the door
But oh, silly me
I've done all that before
I guess I'll just do it some more
She sometimes loves me,
But she's not one I adore
My pen keeps on moving
'Cause I need a break
I always turn to writing
When my collected-ness is at stake
But I probably didn't need to tell you that
You probably saw this post and said,
"Look whose anxiety's back!"
Probably
Possibly
And I'm sorry
You probably get the worst of it
As you know
I just explode
And no one else has heard of it
All my stress pours into these rhymes
But nearly no one hears a thing otherwise
And that is why
This angst of mine
Is written in
Confusing lines
Yes, that is why
This angst of mine
Is on this page,
 This page will die
I pity my pens
Running over paper
Over and over again
They'll all run out in the end
And I'll say "I'm sorry,
"But I cannot pretend."
I get in that car
Ride somewhere not far
And the music won't help me
If someone else is in charge
Stare at my feet
Ignoring the beat
I'll melt through the seat
And land in the street
The car rolls away
No one noticed today
Except for the One who still
Hears when I pray
And oh, do I pray!
Day after day
And sometimes I feel He won't
Hear what I say
But these things take faith
So faith I will take
I'll take it in leaps
'Cause I refuse to break
Again I will pray
"Show me Your way.
"Cause mine's just not working,
"And I want to be brave."
So I'm opening up His Word
I'm letting in the light
And I can't say I'm not heard
For this is what I find:
"You know what I long for, Lord.
"You hear my every sigh.
"My heart beats wildly, my strength fails.
"And I am going blind."
And oh my gosh,
How right.
He's listened every night
When I crawl into bed,
Under my covers and stress,
And I talk to the ceiling and cry
And He sees me with both eyes
Can't thank Him enough
That unfailing love
That I always need to re-find
I talk about my problems
But there are solutions, too
And I write when I can't see them
But they're still there, it's true
It's late again now
In my mind, I'll get out
I'm hearing your laugh
And my sorrows all drown
I recall clearly that pattern
The one that you picked
When all my fears shattered
I listened to it before and after
But the times in between were
The ones that really mattered
'Cause man,
You've got it mastered
And I'm gonna need Therapy
For these memories scattered
Sometimes I don't know,
But sometimes I do
And tonight I know I'd much rather
Be talking to you
But you are probably asleep
Hopefully
And my little brother's not so little,
Dude he's actually a teen
Ethan, I told you don't get older
Now do you see what I mean?
But on the contrary,
I'm discovering
Not all of it's bad,
Well, not at this age you see
But for you there are great things in store
And they are everywhere
But you don't have to go shopping
(See what I did there?)
And God has plans for you
Even though things will get tough
Bro, I will be here too
And you will have enough
I think I should close my eyes
I'm so tired, I'll sleep tonight
Sleep before it's light
So on that note, goodbye


Or maybe not
Maybe I'll keep writing
And never get caught
Hey, time for trivia!
Did you know when "like" is added before a word
It gives it more power than when it was originally heard?
It like, completely and totally works
That's just this new thing I learned
So whatever, taught a lesson
Brownie points earned
Saying "like"
Also makes you sound white
Sometimes
I love how this post went from dramatic
To random and climactic
But that's sometimes how my mind works
At one in the morning...