Ever Silent

I used to write rhymes with the intent of a grade

But now I just do it so that I don't break

Or at unearthly times when I'm still wide awake

There's no art to this, there's too much to say

The words aren't English, and they might as well

Be written in Hungarian, Chinese, or Welsh

Because they mean nothing to anyone else

So I come to my public blog and write to myself

I pour out the truth right here at this desk

It comes through my eyes, a ripping ache in my chest

In confusing rhymes, you don't know I confess

But it's here all the same, and I'm never at rest

They're arguing and they don't know what about

But they need someone somehow to witness their shouts

That cover the screams and the fears and the doubts

But I'm just relieved the sun's finally out

There, however, are shadows that make me less sure

'Cause inside's alright just as much as under

Would I give the nod if you gave me the word?

Because there in my bloodstream, there's always her

She emails my sister and smiles at me

But I look in her eyes and the pain's all I see

And there's reason 1 of why I can't sleep

I'm getting too deep, I'm getting too deep

Sleep's just another task on the list

One I can't cross out as much as I wish

I never said a word, or made a promise

I never did a thing, I never asked for this

They tell me to let go of this thought of mine

And that I'll have peace if I just give her time

But if you had much sense then you'd see she's not fine

They tell me to forget her, but that would be a crime

I can't let go you see, because she's still hurt

I could not even if you gave me the world

To forget is my fear, 'cause I know that girl

Doesn't deserve to be forgotten like prints in the dirt

A paradox, it is, the fear of forgetting

"So forget your fears," but I'll end up regretting

They don't understand, but I feel they're all betting

"How long will she last?" and I feel the stage setting

But I'm not here to ask for your pity

I'm just stuck inside the process of admitting

That I'm just one face in this enormous city

Where people wear masks over the faces they're forbidding

That's the thing with me, I'm a little too real

Even if all of my pain is concealed

If I pretend not to think or to feel

I won't pretend to be you, and there's my truth, sealed

There was this question that I used to ask

I groaned to myself, "How long will this last?"

I tried to hold on as I was fading fast

But I've learned to keep my head up and swear it'll pass

So I gotta be strong in times such as these

Where I can't communicate to you what I mean

Where there's a large list of all of the things

That they can't yet understand, or ever, it seems

I carry these burdens and lay them down with words

That's why a blog; not as much the rhythmic lure

This took too long, but it's for when it hurts

To be ever silent, and not to be heard