In My Mind

It's quiet out here
They're inside, asleep
And only shadows
Notice me
The cold is biting
I hold my arms
I search for something
Inside my heart
I have ambition,
Courage, and dreams
I'm full of life and
Amazing things
And it makes me sick to my stomach
To know that I'm impossible
To know that if I just had confidence
I would be unstoppable
So I pace away and ponder too much
About the times it ended too soon
I trace my thoughts and the train that left
Leave Tyler screaming in my room
All the words of my life
Are put into such rhymes
And they don't leave my mind
No they won't leave my mind
It's not narcissism
It's the study of me
'Cause once in a while I have to focus
On the inside and what I can't see
And I don't silent my phone at night
Because I have this notion that someone will call me
And ask me to save their life
No, there's nothing wrong with me
But I just might start to think so
If you just keep on asking
Recently it's been in the air
And old feelings come back to me
All the memories that were once there
And the life that I used to lead
I'm hearing things as they once were
Not what they have become
And feeling things as I once did
Despite all that I've done
I love it, in a curious way
But just remember, remember, remember
All those things have gone away
Though you've again heated the embers
The way the sun is suspended in the sky
And the warmth is finally back
The way the moon hangs over me at night
And the night's not completely black
Familiar waters flooding over
But it seems that I can breathe
Swimming in these feelings
All the things that used to be
'Cause there's a part of it that stays with me
And never ever wants to leave
But I'm fine with that as long as I'm
Not ever dying underneath
And when I see you standing there
I see a different you
Someone that I saw before
But somehow always knew
You see, my mind is going off again
Funny thing, that is
'Cause when you're insane you're said to be "out of your mind"
But for me it's when I'm in
Endless days turn into weeks
That fly by all too fast
But if you asked me in the morning
I'd say it always lasts
Sometimes I just wanna
Fall back asleep
'Cause the pain of being awake
Is too much for me
And you know, you were there
When both my eyes were closed
So when I wake with a list of things to do
I find myself alone
Nonsense, nonsense
Here we go
But this is my therapy
I need it, you know
But I guess it's getting pretty late
I guess I should really stop
I guess writing won't help me determine my fate
So I guess I'll sleep, or not